Carpe Gaudium

New Blog

2011-01-26T12:04:00.002-06:00

I've moved. Find me now at:

http://unsedulous.wordpress.com/

2010-09-19T22:16:00.002-05:00

Well, I was just going to stop posting on this spam-infested blog, but then I noticed that I had 99 posts! And I couldn't just leave it at that, I had to reach 100. So. Here I am to tell you to visit my new blog Find Me New York.

It's been good. See you on the other side.

see ya

2010-05-03T14:08:00.002-05:00

I started a new job, so now my life is back up to a level of pseudo-insanity that I'm comfortable with (although still not the most I can take, a full time job that I am starting just as finals descend is pretty awful). I don't blog that much, but I'm soon going to be starting to write guests posts on some other blogs, much more political and also much more important and fascinating to me. So I'll be dropping you some links if things turn out well.

I've run out of food in my fridge, except for 1/2 a can of black beans, two kiwis, and a bag of frozen peas. Does anyone know a good recipe for pea-beans? Mmmm, pea-beans. That sounds repulsive.

Anyway, be prepared for a slew of boring/insane updates on progress here. If you want to track it, here's what I've got:

1 presentation on my Lion King paper on 5/6
the last chance to turn in a draft for review of this paper on 5/12
1 paper on Churchill's Not Not Not Not Not Enough Oxygen on 5/14
1 take home final due 5/19
1 oral final for the same class on 5/19
final version of that Lion King paper on 5/20
1 theoretical review of Race due on 5/24

...Katz's Update

2010-04-27T13:02:00.005-05:00

So, when one of my friends came by from out of town, we tried out the aforementioned plan about Katz's. Everything seemed to be going fine: we skipped lunch, and for an early dinner had some tourist cart food before wandering down to Houston Street to do the Katz's thing.

That's when everything went horribly awry. Because that sandwich? The $14.95 pastrami sandwich?
It was delicious. I mean, really really good. I thought we'd be ripped off only splitting it two ways, but, not gonna lie. I might do it again. I might spend $7.47ish and tax for half of that delicious sandwich again. So much for my plan to be cheap.

This blog has a great quick summary of my experience.

How to do Katz's cheap

2010-04-01T09:51:00.005-05:00

I generally hate romantic comedies, with one or two corny, tear-inducing exceptions. The Princess Bride, Imagine Me and You, Secretary (it's sort of comedic), and the classic When Harry Met Sally are a few of the notables. Who doesn't love Billy Crystal?

Like any decent fan of WHMS, I acquiesce with "You're right, you're right, I know you're right," and think of Meg Ryan whenever I check to make sure my mail isn't stuck in the mail drop-box. And so when I moved here I knew I had to go to Katz's, the deli where Meg Ryan faked an orgasm at Billy Crystal. The other day I was in the area and hungry, and I had an hour to spare. I went for you, reader(s). How to do Katz's on the cheap, after the jump.

Don't go.

No really. Just don't do it.

It's impossible to go to Katz's on the cheap. A pastrami sandwich is not $7 nor $8 nor even $10. It is $14.95. For an average sized, original NY deli style sandwich. And a can of cream soda is like $2.75 or something. Now, you all might be thinking that, hey, it's New York, it's gonna be expensive. But, there's this thing about New York. It does that whole Capitalism gambit really well; better than anywhere I've seen before. That means, while it has lots of giant enormous businesses that own everyone and their mother and milk you for all you're worth (in business 101 terminology, "elephants"), it also has a disproportionately high number of "fleas", the little, locally owned and operated businesses that are supposed to be the basis of our economy. It doesn't have a proportionate number of fleas to prove that Capitalism is working as it's supposed to, but it does have enough that some things you should be able to get for cheap, no matter where you are. Like deli-sandwiches.

So that means that, even though New York is expensive, some food is cheaper than similar food elsewhere. You should expect to find a "genuine" New York-style deli pastrami sandwich on rye with mustard and a plate of pickles on the side for under $6. Really. Even in Manhattan. So, I couldn't honestly buy a $15 pastrami sandwich just because that's what you should get when you go to Katz's. I know the tourists like it (hell, that's the point), but I couldn't bring myself to shell out the money. So I got the cheapest thing on the menu: a hot dog, with saurkraut or mustard included. Actually, I was hungry, so I got one with saurkraut and one with mustard and then I mashed them together until they averaged out the same toppings. Those hot dogs set me back $6.20. Jeeze. They weren't even that good (honestly, I prefer Chicago-style hot dogs, and kraut that is more kraut and less sour). Add to that a $2.75 cream soda and I was pretty set back and a little nauseous when I wandered out of Katz's that evening. So just don't go.

But maybe you have to go. Maybe you love Meg Ryan more than anything and have done everything else she's done in that movie including being really anal retentive, and falling for a guy who only slept with you out of pity. Or maybe your second-cousins are in town and they really want to go fake orgasms in public. Seriously. Maybe you have to try this particular pastrami sandwich.

The best way to do Katz's on the cheap if you absolutely MUST, is to buddy up. Go with three, four, or even five other people. Here's the catch: only order one sandwich. $15 five ways is only $3 a piece for the experience, and you still get to try the sandwich and feel ok oggling all the pictures of famous guests and posing in photos in the chair where Meg sat (it's marked by a big sign hanging from the ceiling).

But, 1/5 of an average sized sandwich is not dinner, you say! Not even if you get your own pickle. And you would be right. I don't think it counts as giving you good cheap advice if you don't get to eat dinner. I say the best solution to this is to make Katz's part of a tour of touristy New York food. Grab a slice of NY style pizza (you can get a crummy one for 99 cents a few doors down, or a better one for a buck or two any which way you venture), and top it off with some roasted nuts ($1 for peanuts) and a genuine New York City cart hot dog (which you can hypothetically get for under $2, I don't know, I work across the street from the Empire State Building so everything is overpriced). Now that it's spring time, find a Mr. Frosty truck and get a $3 cone with sprinkles. There's one parked right between Union Square and the Strand. Why not? You were going to be touristy anyway, and this way you should be pretty well fed (and touristed out) for around $10 per person. Well, $12 if you didn't remember to bring your own drink.

Beware!

2010-03-22T14:08:00.002-05:00

The ides of March!

Anyway, my ides were fine. I've had a midterm each week, and I have one left (an oral report/presentation) before the break.

I had a lovely last week, making birthday cards, baking, drinking with friends, and being vegan with guests from out of town.

Pictures to come. One week and three classes left until Spring Break comes, bringing with it one of my favorite midwesterners.

You know you've been doing too much theory when...

2010-03-14T23:20:00.006-05:00

...You had to use step division to figure out that 4/12 reduces to 1/3

...You can sort of understand why the cat won't stop licking your Cornel West book

...You can type "social constructionism" with your eyes closed

...You only notice that the sky is half purple and it's hailing when the cat gallops in to hide under the couch

...You know the difference between Bourdieu and Badiou

...You have paper cuts...on your torso

...You have Leftovers Casserole down to an art

...You have more blog updates than any month since NaBloPoMo

...You are cursing out webcomic artists for not posting their daily updates by 12:01 AM

...You know the local librarian by name

...You think you truly understand phenomenology

Cheap as free!

2010-03-14T09:39:00.007-05:00

Coming from a working-class family background (holla!) I've always been frugal (well except for a few weeks in college for which I will always be paying). I've had to be; the trick is doing it with style.

I enjoy going out with folks, so I have to be extra careful when I am alone, because I essentially save all my extraneous money for acting like I'm not poor when I'm out with other people who don't understand. This is even harder in NY, because I'm hanging out with overall wealthier people with wealthier lifestyles. Not my choice, exactly (other than I chose to be a grad student, which poor people normally don't do). As I get to know more people and do more things here, I'm sure this will change, but for now, I must try to be cheap.

For example, today I cooked a huge breakfast at home: scrambled eggs with a little cheddar cheese and homemade biscuits*. Total cost for enormous breakfast: approximately 98 cents. In contrast, last Sunday my twin was in town, and we went to the only brunch place in the neighborhood. Cost for me (not include the bourbon pear mimosa, nomnomnom): approximately $15. That's two weeks worth of giant (meatless) breakfast at home, and I shouldn't be eating bacon anyway. At the time it was worth it because I had a guest, but I won't be repeating that often.

Of course, if I still lived in Astoria and I went to the cheap diner around the corner I could have had a large breakfast (of, well, diner-quality food) for under $5 (including the tip). Given the amount of time it takes to cook sometimes, going to the cheap diner was occasionally worth it, especially since I felt really uncomfortable using the flatmate's kitchen.

That's how it was the whole time: her kitchen, her hallway, her apartment that I just sort of squatted in. It was very challenging to be frugal there, mostly because of this not-having-a-kitchen syndrome, but also because of supply expenses: unlike my former flatmate, I am stingy with the cleaning supplies. FRUGAL! See above! Also, I'm too aware of my impact on the environment (and the world problems US pollution and consumption are causing) to use paper towels or 17 different kinds of aerosol cleaners.

My favorite example of my ability to save money has to do with soap. I'll admit it: I do actually overuse soap. I like a good, rich lather; foaming soap is my nemesis. I like to imagine getting rid of all the germs, and I having counting to 60 seconds down to an art. I am not frugal with soap. All my recent housemates or flatmates liked to buy liquid hand soap. For a small NY apartment (not, say, bulk for a 25-person house in Wisconsin), that costs about $4 per bottle, about one bottle per each of us per month. $4/month for liquid hand soap. Not bad, right? Well, one day I went to the dollar store to find other things and, hey, did you know that not everything at the dollar store is a dollar? Many things are more than a dollar, but some things are less. Like bar soap. Some obscure branch of a large cosmetics chain put out a rose-scented bar soap. This was 69 cents.

Do you want to know how long that 69-cent bar of soap has lasted me? Too bad, I'm telling you anyway. It's less than half gone and I bought it at the beginning of November. Even with being out of town for almost a month, that's a 6-month bar of soap. That's the equivalent of $24 worth of liquid hand soap. I saved $23.31 with this bar of soap. Boo-ya!

Let's try that again: Boo-ya!

Even though I'm awfully proud of that bar of soap, I'm going to start sharing cheap, free, and frugal things to do around New York City. Because really, I am not the only broke person in this city. And I don't know how long I'm going to be here, so I'm going to start trying to do as many awesome and exciting things around the city as possible, and the best way to do that is not to spend too much money.

*Ok, from one of those twist-pop tubes, but still, I baked them.

2010-03-13T20:59:00.001-06:00

Help! No one can read this! How do I make my font centered in that lovely bar in the middle of the page? Please leave hints in comments...

New month

2010-03-01T14:01:00.004-06:00

Well, it's been a while!

I haven't posted anything substantive in a while because I've been having some personal trouble that I've really been focused on in my life. I moved to NY into a two-bedroom apartment that a woman posted on Craig's List. I know that that's a risky thing, finding someone on the internet and it could have been much worse, but it is practically impossible to find an affordable apartment with out being in New York City. I needed someplace to live before school started, and I settled for something acceptable.

In short, it was a bad situation. And I know it's a bad idea to bitch about people on the internet. So I won't list her offenses or defend my responses or try to convince you that it sucked. But, suffice to say, that for the last one and a half months I've felt a weight settle on my shoulders when I got off the train and started walking back to my apartment. The dread of going to where you are supposed to sleep at night has been taking a serious toll on my mental health: depression and anxiety combined to essentially make me sick to my stomach. All of the time. I became an ornery, self-centered wretch. If you called me, all I would talk about was moving, packing, and my jerky flatmate. It was awful.

Time passed. I searched for apartments FOREVER. Eventually, I found a place, I found sublettors, I waited and packed and waited and waited. I tried to work and meet people and failed. I signed a lease and worried about being scammed. And FINALLY, yesterday I was fortunate enough to move the fuck out of there. And I feel totally great. Totally free.

2010-02-17T19:15:00.001-06:00

Look! Some other people like my idea! (I like to give myself credit for this and other ambiguous things)

More?

2010-02-03T21:31:00.002-06:00

Folks! I signed up for the February Photo Hunt Challenge. Even though I'm even more jaded about Valentine's Day than I am about Christmas. What's wrong with me, this is so masochistic....

Anyway, I really enjoy the excuse to take pictures, even though my camera isn't that great and I don't have any real photo editing software. Someday I will graduate and pay off my student loans and then I will have a nice camera. Maybe.

ANYWAY. Why am I here? I have so much more to read before tomorrow? I just had to share this with you guys.

(BTW: You can still vote for me if you want on the Photo Hunt Challenge Website. Just scroll down. BY THE WAY. COUGH.)

Resolution progress

2010-02-02T14:43:00.004-06:00

I've been having strange dreams lately, one creepy nightmare about zombies and sacrifice and loved ones, and another strange betrayal by an old friend. They've put me more in a mood to be productive than to pause and think, so I've been running through errands like no one's business.

Yesterday I did my laundry at the laundromat, bought groceries and cat food, had two classes, caught up on emails, got an emergency advance from The Grad Center, did various miscellaneous administrative tasks necessary for being a grad student, worked, cooked, studied, and found a sublettor for my current apartment. Today I cooked, had a meeting, worked, had class, accomplished other miscellaneous administrative tasks necessary for being a grad student, and now I'm off to study, clean, and keep trying to find a new apartment! High fives all around for productivity!

Well, I'm part way through my week of not spending money eating out. I've discovered a problem with this, which is that I have resolved nothing about limiting my time in grocery stores. Let's just say that at least grocery stores are cheaper.

So cheap that I'm impressed. I bought veggies and canned goods and a few sandwich-type materials for a surprisingly low amount. I will be frugal. I will be healthy. At least for the rest of this week.

So for part of this resolution, I made a black bean quesadilla for late dinner last night, leaving me with a left over 1/2 can of black beans. Today I was searching the internets for WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THESE BLACK BEANS? I know, I could put them in a salsa or a burrito or even make a black bean cake, but honestly I was feeling a little bored by all that. I wanted variety. I wanted creativity. And I wanted the recipe to come with some food porn: excellent photography of the final product that makes you drool. Pictures are key.

I finally discovered this: Black Bean Brownies Don't they look totally amazing?

I'll make them tonight and let you know how they are! In the meanwhile, please share any great recipe sites you have! They are fabulously cheaper than cookbooks.

Goal-oriented

2010-01-28T19:51:00.004-06:00

SO I decided to make some goals for the new year, as many people do around this time. People call me goal-oriented because I like to accomplish things. But I really don't know if it's an appropriate description. I think I'm much more stop-and-smell-the-roses oriented, enjoy-things-on-the-way-for-that-is-life oriented. But. Nonetheless. There are some goals.

1. Eat more fruits and veggies. I am convinced that this can't be bad for me, even if I get these in a less-than-healthy manner. Like this amazing looking salad from smitten kitchen: Mixed Citrus Salad with Feta and Mint. I hope she doesn't mind that I borrowed a picture to show you how delish this looks.

2. Cook so much more! For the first 6 months (January-June), I'm going to cook at home for one week straight. For the second 6 months (July-December) I'm going to cook at home for one week straight, twice per month.* I'm always looking for new and delicious recipes to try, so feel free to leave me links or ideas in the comments!

*Note: I already didn't do this for January, but I've been out of town most of the month, so I'll just do it twice in February. Yikes!

3. Walk an average of 3 miles/day. This one is going well. It helps that I live a bit from the train. If I move closer I'm sure this will become much more challenging. When will I have time?

4. Find my own place! I'm super excited about this one. I've been picking my brain recently and I realized that I just really NEED to live by myself. Because of financial stuff, I've always needed a roommate (or several) in order to afford rent. Now I am planning on spending less and living further away in order to get my own place. I know that this isn't the most viable of strategies in NYC, but I'm sure it is possible. As soon as I find someone to sublet my current place (well, and some place to go), I'm outta here! The hardest part of settling in I imagine will be cooking with my limited cooking supplies after I've paid my security deposit. Ie: When my sister left Madison her friends pitched in to get her a going away gift of a collection of nice spices. How awesome is that? I own a bottle of onion powder and some ground nutmeg, and no measuring cups. I need help! Clare and Rachel had a good idea though, which is to allow themselves to buy one spice each time they go to the grocery store. Maybe I'll let myself buy one kitchen utensil each time I hit the g.s....

5. Publish or present two papers. This one is pretty straightforward. I want to get two articles accepted to be published by the end of the year, or to present or discuss them at conferences. Conferences for grad students count. I am currently working on 3 different submissions, so hopefully this bears fruit.

6. See the bioluminescent bay in Vieques.

You may have heard about this bay. I have had the very great fortune of being able to visit Puerto Rico twice in the past two years as the result of someone else's funding (thanks!). This year I am on my own, but I think I could do the whole thing for under $500. If you're like me and the twin and all you want to do is sleep, eat, and swim in the ocean, this can be a very inexpensive option (especially with hostels...cool). But the trip out to Vieques is more money. Essentially to see the bay you have to stay one night on Vieques, which can be costly, and transportation on Vieques is harder. I've twice visited the bay in Lajas which was phenomenal, but the one in Vieques is supposed to be far more brilliant. You can kayak or swim in the bay and that would be amazing, so I'm trying to work extra now to save up!

7. Be more crafty! This is a compound goal with four parts:
a) Scrapbook 12 projects. I know Jessi's aim is 100 LOs (10 times my own pitiful goal). But she is a Master Scrapbooker, and I, only a novice. Nonetheless, I certainly have the supplies and the desire to make more pages/projects. In fact, when I was in Boston I visited a paper store and picked up some brown and pink stripes for a sweet project I have in mind. More later.
b) Knit two more useful items. Again, not as cool as The Boss, but good enough for me. These can be gifts for folks. Technically this year I finished these wrist-warmers that I now wear, but I don't think those count, as I just set the goal and I finished the wrist-warmers a few weeks ago.
c) Draw/paint 6 projects. I love drawing and would love a reason to start/finish some major projects I've had in mind. This one will also be hard to do with classes, etc., but I'm optimistic.
d) Make my own holiday cards. Last year I tried to make my own cards at the end of the year, and ended up not finishing them and not sending them out due to lack of materials and motivation. This year I will be better prepared!

8. Get two of my wisdom teeth out. I've been putting it off for insurance reasons (that and now I don't know how I'd get home after they knock me out). But if I don't exceed my insurance limit I think I can get half of them done. I'll get the next two the year after, and that will be quite enough of that, thank you.

9. Get contacts. I've always thought about it, never done it. I'd like to get some disposable ones and just wear them occasionally, like when I dress up or hit the town. I recently got eye insurance through my school, so perhaps now is the time.

10. Meet new people. I'll keep this one broad, as the main point is to get to know people in my new city. I'm sure it will happen; I'll just be cool ol' me and the cool peeps will come rolling in.

Alright, 10 is plenty for 2010, don't you think? Oh yeah... number 11. Make-outs! Woo!

MIA

2010-01-23T15:43:00.003-06:00

No no no no. I mean, where the f have I been? I know, you don't accept that Photo Hunt nonsense as blogging content, not after I proved I could do nablopomo last year.

The last several weeks of school were hectic. I finished my papers and passed my exams, and then ran out the door of the Graduate Center with the most luggage I've ever brought on a trip in my life (read: one medium suitcase and a backpack). (The main reason New Yorkers spend a lot of time caring about and feeling superior about transit is because it takes a ton of work to learn your way around here. I had prepared a self-inflated rant about how I have now learned enough to navigate even though I thought I was lost, but I'll save it for some other time!). Regardless, I've spent the last month ish traveling, thanks to my new-and-improved Grad Student Income!

First it was Chicago, to crash with Dan and Merilee, and spend the day hanging out with Mingwei. We ended up at a fabulous bar where I had about 45 minutes to catch up with kiran, Neily, and other NASCOol people. It was over in the blink of an eye, and I had to leave to catch a bus out of town. It was the beginning of a series of visits that were far too short. I met the twin (!) at the bus stop and we took an overnight bus up to Minneapolis (which was terrible...*shudder*). We got picked up and spent the next week visiting Dad, Jacki!, Sara, and Robin. We even got a visit from the other syblings, and on Christmas Day picked up the new Sherlock Holmes movie with our brother. The next day we drove to Dodge Center and met Mom and the rest of the family there for Christmas. We had a great time playing games (I learned Hand and Foot, although hell if I can remember it now), conquering Super Mario Galaxy (at least, as Mario!), cooking/eating, and talking, talking talking. It was the most relaxing way I could imagine to spend those days, and lovely to see people! Because of the icy weather we ended up staying an extra night, which felt like winning the lottery! I love my family!

Then, of course I had to spend a few weeks in Madison. I spent the first few days hanging out with my Mom and sister, and getting over a small cold. I first ventured out into Madison for New Year's Eve with Lindsay and Patrick, their friends Mike and Celina, and our old friend Laura (who lives on the West Coast, alas!), and diverse other folks like Scott and Emily and Kat! It was definitely the best NYE I've ever had, even better than the one year I accidentally made out with Emil's bi then-boyfriend. :) It was a much smaller, quieter party, but we barely noticed when midnight rolled around. We played games and talked and laughed and shared the evening and the morning after in a very sweet and special way. It wasn't the first, nor the last time that I realized I'm honored to know such wonderful people. Lindsay and Patrick became my gracious and amazing hosts for the rest of my time in Madison.

Throughout the next two weeks I saw Kathy, George, Kevin, Steph and Jared, Nicklaus, Anna, Rachel and Ari, Maya, Erica, Quentin, and various Phoenicians, coopers, and Madisonians. I felt so loved and I am so blessed and lucky to know you all and have such warm and wonderful, loving people in my life. I visited many of my old Madison haunts, spent a ton of time with my awesome family members, and even took a day trip down to Milwaukee to eat at our old favorite, Capri. I played trivia at the Alchemy, went to the Weary Traveler five (5!) times (including for an amazing pork-off: candied bacon FTW), drank at Paul's Club under the tree, had dinner at the Phoenix, napped at the MCC Office, had brunch with Mama Davis at Lazy Jane's, drank strawberry vodka at The City and coffee at ERC, discovered new things with Rachel, washed with soap made by Steph2, waited in line for over an hour at the Old Fashioned, bought 10-year cheddar from Carr Valley, flirted with a bartender for the Merc, spent an afternoon reading and sipping at Barrique's, saw a play at the Overture Center (a great one! Called Why Torture is Wrong and The People Who Love Them, by Christopher Durang, and produced by the new group in town: Forward Theatre Company. Madison theatrites and art-heads, you should be excited!!), looked out on the lake from Observatory Drive, learned to play Sheepshead (!), shopped the Frugal Muse, had a salted caramel from Gail Ambrosius, drank wine at Kathy's place, and yes, ate cheese popcorn. It was a veritable orgy of pleasant experiences, hopefully enough to keep my level of joy and self-esteem flying high through the next semester and summer of loneliness in New York!

I followed that up with a little more than 24 hours back in NYC before I hopped on a bus to DC. I visited Clare and Rachel there in a whirlwind 48 hour trip, and managed to squeeze in the official reason I was supposed to have gone: to see Black Voices: The Stories We're Going to Tell, a festival for the new works of black playwrights. All of it was awesome, although I missed the whole discussion for the rest of the weekend and didn't know anyone there. Also, Georgetown is a strange and isolated campus, so no one could tell me how to get back to the train (they've chosen not to have a train stop so the rabble can't bother them), so I had to walk a few miles in the cold to the area where I knew there would be a train. Boo. But this was all made up for by the fun I had the next day with Rachel and Clare, playing dress up in Clare's vintage store and drinking too much beer and reminiscing about the coop. Clare helped get rid of my burgeoning mullet while we were drunk, at the expense of a small chunk of hair about my left ear. But anything is better than a mullet, so I guess that was a net gain.

Finally, I stopped back in NY to check on the cat, and then took off for Boston, to eat vegan for 48 hours (yay!), wander through Boston Commons and the Harvard Campus. I visited Nick (therefore we talked about oppression for hours and watched star trek), Shira (hi Shira, I told you I would blog about it), and was graciously hosted by Avi and Alexa in their charming Boston College area flat.

But now I am on the megabus again, this time coming back to New York, where I look forward to cleaning and sleeping and finishing the Baroque Cycle (by Neal Stephenson) before classes start on Thursday. They are late this year, but that's fine with me. It's been a marvelous tour of various large and larger cities around the Midwest and the east coast, and I don't really feel at home anywhere anymore, but I'm almost looking forward to a few days by myself. Which is good because that's precisely what I have in store for myself.

Photos Photos Photos Photos Phooooootoooooooos!!!

2010-01-02T15:04:00.026-06:00

Sorry for the delay folks! I've spent the holiday with my family, and internet is not so easily available. Nonetheless, here are my photos from this past month. Enjoy this weird mix!

1. Holiday Lights (Every quarter hour these illuminated snowflakes faded out and lit up again according to a different holiday tune. I caught them flashing to Jingle Bells on my way to the airport this evening.)

2. Holiday Spirit

3. A Holiday Treat (the best home-made pumpkin bar with homemade vanilla gelato and pecan praline I have ever had. And the best Americano I ever had to go with it (see photo 13). I just stopped in this place randomly because I thought it was a coffee shop and I needed to charge the lappy. Turns out it is a chocolate restaurant. Let me say that again. Chocolate. Restaurant. Needless to say I will be going back. They have chocolate beer floats with that homemade gelato. I'm not even a dessert person...)

4. An Ornament

5. A Gift-Wrapped Package

6. A Window Display

7. A Winter/Holiday Icon

8. A Tree

9. A Tradition (My wonderful friends Patrick and Lindsay, graciously hosted me for NYE. Here they are opening a bottle of port; don't worry, we're not doing shots! They have a delightful tradition for ringing in the New Year. It may be someone else's New Year's tradition, but I hope it becomes mine!)

10. Something that says Noel

11. Something Precious (Flying somewhere over the U.S. between New York and Chicago. Flying, if nothing else, keeps me conscious of how fragile humanity actually is.)

12. Something Peaceful (BUNNIES!)

13. Something Hot (The best americano I've had so far...)

14. Something Cold (Not the best picture I've taken, but it was the coldest on the solstice, probably 30 below at least, everything windy and frozen. At about 5 in the evening, only two brave ice skaters remained at the park across the street from my dad's house)

15. Something Red

16. Something Green

17. Motion Blur

18. Black and White Photo with Selective Coloring
(Ok, so technically I did this wrong because I thought we had access to Photoshop through my department but I can't seem to access it remotely. The consequences: I had to use Picasa, which I am not at all familiar with. I could not get it to do what I wanted at all, so this is the best I've got folks.)

19. Infrared
Ok team, you really can't do this one without a fancy expensive program like photo shop. Well, again, I downloaded Picasa (which then took over my photo management, so I am now doubly displeased), and anyway, I just cannot find anyway to create the desired affects with this one. I feel sort of whiny saying this, but I can't make it work and no one seems to know how to do it on the internet, which I take as a good sign that it probably can't be done. So disappointed my first photo hunt included something that isn't accessible to folks without a ton of money to spend on photography. :( Enjoy a picture of my cat playing with a straw instead!

20. Digital Macro (The only my cheap camera does well. Salmon maki!)

Let the hunting begin!

2009-12-18T09:37:00.003-06:00

Alright Photo Hunt that I have been sort of taking pictures for in the back of my mind but really putting off until after finals are over*. Bring it on:

1. Holiday Lights
2. Holiday Spirit
3. A Holiday Treat
4. An Ornament
5. A Gift-Wrapped Package
6. A Window Display
7. A Winter/Holiday Icon
8. A Tree
9. A Tradition
10.Something that says Noel
11. Something Precious
12. Something Peaceful
13. Something Hot
14. Something Cold
15. Something Red
16. Something Green
17. Motion blur
18. Black & White Photo (with selective coloring)
19. Any photo using an Infrared Photography Technique (in-camera OR post-process)
20. A Macro Shot

*Not actually over

Don't worry, I'm probably going to cut it

2009-12-12T18:27:00.001-06:00

I can't believe I just wrote this in an academic paper, brackets and all. I'm such a tool.:

"Now, it’s not uncommon for me to cry at good theatre. Even mediocre theatre. As I once told a friend, I like to ride the [emotional] rollercoaster as they’ve built it for me, but when I get off I can tell you if it was worth the cost of the admission. This is somewhat misleading: I’m seriously acrophobic, which keeps me from enjoying most rollercoaster rides. I can take the spinning ones, that keep you low to the ground. But that’s it. A trip to an amusement park is only amusing for my friends. I usually shed a tear or two where I am supposed to, at the appropriate point of the show. When someone good dies, or when anyone is faced with the inevitable cruelness of life, I tear up. But at the beginning of an overpriced, corporatized, not just corporatized but Disneyfied, kid’s show that cost me over 100 bucks to get into? I think not."

momentum...

2009-12-02T23:33:00.002-06:00

I can't stop!

Anyway, this Neutraface parody of Pokerface video is one of the funniest things I've seen all year. I love it! It's so nerdy, and most of the stuff I don't understand, but the one with the dark beard is SO committed. Also, the nerd-on-nerd action at 3:19 is HOT

Watch it watch it! Share the hotness!

Photography is phun

2009-12-01T16:26:00.002-06:00

Folks! I'm doing a Photo Hunt! Cool! It's a little more holiday-y than I hoped this month (not really a fan of the holiday pics), but oh well. This is the first I'd learned of these hunts, so I'll give it a shot. (That was a pun).

Keep your eyes out here. I'll keep an album on Flickr but I'll link to it here to keep you all posted!

Bam!

2009-11-30T11:10:00.004-06:00

This, people, is precisely my philosophy. Seriously, some things just need to be ignored.

Also, the website above always has great/cool/interesting stuff going on. I'm excited about their most recent post about the now-declassified (hilarious and yet still interesting looking) CIA manual from the Cold War. That time period fascinates me, so if you've read the book, let me know if it is cool enough to check out.

And with that, I bring you the end of National Blog Posting Month. Tomorrow, I'm taking a break. But I hope to continue to blog more and I hope you continue to blog more as well.

Apparently I can't be around big crowds

2009-11-29T16:44:00.004-06:00

Because I've somehow managed to catch a cold. Ick. Probably all that getting-only-a-few-hours-of-sleep-and-then-waking-up-at-5-am-to-stand-around-in-the-cold-with-a-bajillion-people. Boo. But at least it's not the flu. I saw the twin off (back to VA for her) this morning, and I have been hanging around the house eating leftovers and getting ahead on the little bit of reading left for the semester. My reading load is decreasing dramatically these last few weeks, but I still have about 65 pages left to write and/or polish. All of my time now becomes about these three papers and prepping for my one final.

I guess that means my blogging will get boring-er. Hang in there, holiday blogging is always fun!

Thanksgiving: In Photos and Recipes

2009-11-28T11:11:00.012-06:00

This was my first time cooking Thanksgiving. Kristen helped!

She helped soooo much. Thanks twinface! We agreed ahead of time to just relax and enjoy the cooking. I can get so picky about how things go that I can be terrible to work with on the cookings. But we both agreed to be totally chill and just see what happened. So we did.

Gilgamesh also helped.

He lay on his new favorite thing, the sleeping bag, in the middle of the hallway to make sure we were graceful enough to dance around him.

Here it is:

Thanksgiving Spinach Salad

Ingredients:
1 package baby spinach
some pecans
some dried cherries*
some plain chevre
1 lemon

Wash spinach. Toss ingredients together except lemon. Add a squeeze of lemon to each serving.

Ciabatta

Ingredients:
Go to your local French-Italian bakery and buy a loaf of ciabatta. Slice generously, warm in the oven. Eat. (No way I was gonna add baking bread to the already long list of cooking that needed to be done for this meal.)

Garlic Potatoes with Spiced Sour Cream

Ingredients:

As many baby red potatoes as you want
several cloves of garlic
4 tbsp butter, melted
salt and pepper to taste
1 tbsp paprika
1 tbsp garlic powder
1/2 cup sour cream
Chives, diced (we couldn't find any and used scallion greens. Chives would have been better)

Mix the sour cream with the paprika and garlic powder. Add black pepper to taste. Refrigerate

Put slits in the potatoes, but don't cut them all the way through. Slice the garlic thinly and insert garlic into some of the slices in the potatoes (about three/potato). Roll the potatoes in melted butter. Place the potatoes in a baking pan, sprinkle lightly with salt and pepper. Bake at 400 degrees until soft, about an hour. Top with sour cream mixture and a sprinkle of chives.

Turkey

Alright, this baby had three main parts that made it delicious: brining, the stuffing/basting combo, and the rubbing/baking step that we stole from Emeril.

1) Brining

Ingredients:
2 oranges
2 lemons
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup salt
about 1 gallon water
handful of rosemary
handful of thyme
1 turkey (we had an 11.2 pounder, for the simple reason that we just couldn't find anything smaller!)
a bucket large enough to fit your turkey and 1 gallon of water, but small enough to fit in your fridge

Add sugar, salt and spices to the gallon water in the bucket. Stir until dissolved. Quarter the fruit and throw it in the bucket as well. Clean the turkey. Remove the giblets and neck (I almost did not find the giblets), trim off any extra fat, rinse it with cold water. Immerse in the bucket. Put the turkey with bucket in the refrigerator for 12-48 hours (we went with 12 as we were worried about the saltiness).

2) ~~Stuffing/basting-y/baking stuff~~ The rest of it

Ingredients:
2 cans of chicken with wild rice soup
1 can cream of mushroom soup
2 cans of turkey broth
1 can of french fried onions
2 onions
7 cloves of garlic
Turkey from Part 1
A little butter

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Remove turkey from brine. Rinse it with cold water inside and out. Pat dry inside and out. Place it in the pan and rub it all over with the oranges from the brine. Then rub it with butter (according to Emeril, people. Not my idea...). Quarter the onions and stuff them inside the cavity. Add the garlic. Turn the turkey breast-side down. If you are using different kinds of soup (like I recommend above), mix them together first or you will have to hold the turkey out of the way to stir. Pour the soup into the pan with the turkey. Place in oven. Roast breast side down, uncovered, for 1 hour. Flip! Baste with 1/2 cup turkey broth. Return to oven to cook uncovered for about another 2 hours. Baste with 1/2 cup turkey broth every 30 minutes. When within the last hour of cooking, start sprinkling the turkey with the french fried onions after basting each time.

Cook until that pop-up timer pops out or turkey is about 185 degrees F. Carve. Serve soup mixture with turkey.

Enjoy!

Cranberry Cream Cheese Wontons

Ingredients:

One package of gyoza wrappers
4 oz (1/2 package) of cream cheese
1/2 can of cranberry jelly
canola oil

Let's see. What's the unhealthiest way to prepare a fruit? First, lets squeeze all the juices out of the rest of it. Then let's add a bunch of sugar and turn it into a jelly. Then let's can it. And then let's mix it with cream cheese. Wrap it in a floury tortilla layer. And fry it in oil. That's it! That's perfect!

Oh boy. Kristen doesn't really like cranberry jelly, so we decided to try something new this year. In my mind, it was justified because we had to have a cranberry course at our Thanksgiving dinner.*

Warm the cream cheese for about 30 seconds in the microwave. Add the cranberry. Mix till smooth-ish. Add a small dollop to the center of a gyoza wrapper. Seal with water. Heat the oil until it's...well, hot. I don't know how hot. But you want the wrappers to start sizzling as soon as they hit the oil or the oil will just seep in and make the interior greasy. If the outer shell of whatever you are frying gets crispy right away it will seal off the oil. So, heat it until it is hot enough. Then fry these babies. Quickly. Remove them from the oil before they burst and the cream cheese mix makes the oil splatter everywhere, burning you and smelling gross. Can you tell that happened to us?

Pumpkin Cheesecake, New York style

1) Crust

Ingredients:
1 package of graham crackers, crushed to make 1 1/2 cups
1/3 cup sugar
dash of cinnamon
1/3 cup butter, melted

Mix the ingredients together, press into the bottom of a 9 inch spring-form pan. Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes

2) The rest

Ingredients:
1 pie pumpkin
4 8 oz packages of cream cheese
1/4 cup cornstarch
1 2/3 cup sugar
2 tbsp vanilla
3/4 cup heavy whipping cream
cinnamon, nutmeg, and all spice or cloves to taste, about a tbsp each
2 eggs (well, we used 2.5, but the recipe we used called for eggs but didn't mention them, so we were just guessing. 3 eggs seemed too wet.)
Crust from Part 1

Slice up the pumpkin into manageable chunks. Scoop out the insides. Steam until the skin separates easily from the flesh. Mash the flesh with a fork. Then blend it in a blender until smooth (limited materials here: my smoothie maker worked, but it wasn't pretty). In a separate bowl, mix the first package of cream cheese with 1/3 cup sugar and the cornstarch. We didn't have a hand-mixer, so we microwaved the cream cheese to a manageable softness first. Beat in the remaining packages of cream cheese. Add the rest of the sugar and the vanilla. Add the eggs, and keep beating. At this point we should have added the pumpkin and the rest of the spices. The heavy whipping cream should be added last, and only stirred until it is well mixed in. It should not be beat too much or the cake will get too fluffy. Don't overmix. Spoon the mixture over the pie crust from Part 1. Place the pan in a larger pan containing water that comes up the sides of the cheesecake about an inch. Bake at 350 degrees F for about an hour, until the cheesecake only barely jiggles at the center when you shake it. Cool, then refrigerate overnight. Nom nom nom.

Could you tell we were too hungry to take good photos for the last one? This looks/tastes so much better than these pictures can capture!

*So, Kristen brought cranberries instead of cherries for the salad. So I had no excuse to eat deep-fried cranberry wonton deliciousness.

Black Friday

2009-11-27T15:26:00.003-06:00

So, we didn't go shopping today, thank goodness. We did hang around the house all day and study. Well, actually I played games and finished a mediocre book I started last summer. Then I finally studied.

The thing is, I haven't really had a lot of opportunities to read for fun. I miss it immensely. When I was in undergrad, I was working 2+ jobs, taking a full course load, and always volunteering or something. I was far too busy for recreational reading. In the summers I would usually just work and volunteer, and spend my evenings alternatively hanging out with friends and reading my heart out. One summer I remember I read 63 books. Most of them were young adult fiction, but they were all my old favorites. It felt like eating an entire bag of peanut butter cups or something equally guilty but great. But that you know you will regret later.

But this past summer, I admit that I didn't get a lot of reading in. First of all, I really wanted to read more non-fiction. I got a healthy start on Zinn's People's History of the United States (which I highly recommend...it is fascinating and well written and includes all the dirty history that they keep out of classroom textbooks), but I am always much slower at reading non-fiction than fiction. I just love getting swept up in a good story, and in fact I find it takes more work to stop reading a good story than it does to just continue reading. So I churn through that kind of stuff pretty fast. But, while non-fiction is interesting and I am lucky enough to usually learn just by reading, it's hard to get carried away in the same manner.

On top of the non-fiction, I also worked a pretty intense full-time job (instead of one or two part-time jobs), and I pretty much spent every weekend adventuring, and every night going out with my favorite peoples. So, in fact, I spent a lot of time putting reading for fun at a lower level of priority. And now I read approximately 300-400 pages of non-fiction, theoretical or research stuff for class each week. So while I read all the time, and I am getting better at reading non-fiction, it's been a bit of a killjoy.

But I have been working very hard so I decided to take it easy the beginning of this week pretty much through today. I did the work for class, but very little extra research outside of that. I cleaned as best I could, and didn't worry about the rest. And Kristen and I cooked Thanksgiving dinner together. So it somehow seemed appropriate to let myself finish the last 300 pages of that book that I had been working on. And parts of it were awful but parts of it were very good, so overall, I'm just going to enjoy that I got to read it. And then I will let myself slowly sink back into academic reading for grad school. I can feel the urgency in the back of my mind, but not in my heart or in my gut. Instead, I will spread out working on my three final papers. I will not leave them until the last weekend, nor panic. I will do the best I can to get a first draft done of each in the next week and then spend the week after that reviewing it, improving it, adding to it, and otherwise working my butt off.

And on December 17th, after my last final gets out at 4, I will rush across town to JFK and fly to Chicago with a giant suitcase full of gifts for the family and friends and dirty laundry to wash at the house of someone who owns a washing machine (Dad?!). Why yes I am trying to save $11 by being vastly inconvenient. I can't wait to see you all in less than a month!

Thanks

2009-11-26T22:07:00.003-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope yours was great.

Thankful for:

My family. My friends. For putting up with me and for being great.

All the opportunities that I have had throughout the years.

Being in such a good grad program, and being funded. All the people who helped me get here.

All the kindness I have experienced throughout the years!

In which my oven can't count

2009-11-25T08:44:00.004-06:00

Last night I baked Rachel's Mom Muffins. Remember the incident with the cake where I doubled the recipe but got three cakes out of it? Well obviously I have a problem because this time I doubled the recipe which makes two dozen muffins and got...24 muffins. WTF?!

Admittedly we had two different muffin pans and I like muffin tops*, so some of them were ginormous. I just didn't realize how ginormous.

Today Kristen comes into town. Well, she was going to come into town this morning or last night or something. But she is a busy busy bee, so I will just sit here and twiddle my thumbs until she deigns to call me and tell me what is going on.

This evening I get a visit from Rachel R! I love this lady. I met her at the co-op and we lived together for three and a half years. I have been needing some Rachel R in my life!

Tonight we also begin the cooking process for t-day. (The muffins and sangria don't count, they are nibbles for the rest of the weekend.) We are going to buy a crusty loaf of bread (I wish we could wait until tomorrow for that loaf, but I think a lot of bakeries are closed...), make the dessert and start the turkey. I bet you want to know what we're cooking internet, but you're just going to have to wait!

Here are some photos to distract you from the fact that blogging this week will probably suck:

Staples:

My new humidifier. Why yes, that is a dolphin!:

Attack!:

omgkill it!:

Cat in a basket. Don't ask how he got up there:

*The main reason I like muffin tops, other than deliciousity, is because it is the only fat-positive slang I've ever heard. I have my own muffin top, and I love it!

Always the wrong kind of productivity

2009-11-24T23:37:00.005-06:00

Well, I stayed after class and worked on my paper for several hours this evening. But I don't have anywhere near the draft that I need prepared. But that's ok. At least I worked on it.

Now, I'm ~~burning~~ baking Rachel's Mom Muffins. Listening to Pale Young Gentlemen and Erin McKeown. And making sangria for (another) Rachel.

Autumn Sangria:

1 large bottle cheap cheap cheap Merlot

1 cup sugar

dash of nutmeg, dash of all spice, big dash of cinnamon

two apples, thinly sliced

about 8 cinnamon sticks

1 liter ginger ale

Bring the wine (with sugar and ground spices mixed in) to a gentle simmer (Warning: if you let it get above simmering, the alcohol will boil off!) When simmering is achieved, add the apples and cinnamon sticks and mix for a few minutes. Take off heat and refrigerate at least 24 hours. Before serving, strain if desired, and mix with ginger ale.

one step forward, two steps back

2009-11-23T17:27:00.004-06:00

Things I did this weekend:
Did laundry, including sheets
Bought groceries for Thanksgiving
Did dishes
Cleaned some of my flat
Talked to the flatmate
Saw Hamlet
Read for class and wrote my discussion question
Played with the cat
Bought a calendar for 2009
Surfed the internet
Bought cat food
Called Sara, Clare, Mom, Jacqui and Kathy
Baked
Planned the holidays and bought my plane ticket to/from Chicago
Put some CDs on my compu
Listened to the soundtrack for Muppet Treasure Island

Things I should have done this weekend:
Finished readings for this week
Done 8-10 hours of research for my Latin American Theatre class
Written 10 pages of my paper for same class
Hung out with humans
Traded in my megabus reservation before it expired
Finished my holiday shopping

Crafty-ness

2009-11-22T13:10:00.006-06:00

I don't do nearly enough crafting anymore. But this weekend has been a total loss anyway, so last night I decide to change my new winter coat from drab

to fab!

Well, or at least to a little more unique looking. I added these neat-o faux-antique lion's head buttons:

Now I'm thinking of adding some sort of trim. Maybe smaller gold buttons on the collar? Should I do it, or leave it alone?

or lack thereof

2009-11-21T00:27:00.000-06:00

It's after midnight, so I'll get a jump start on tomorrow by blogging before I go to bed.

Went out and saw another show: this time Hamlet. I'm guilty of being a doctoral student in theatre and not being that familiar with the show, and since I've started putting money aside in order to see more shows, I figured why not go all out and see it on Broadway?

Why yes, that is Jude Law as the title character (that, admittedly, helped me make the decision to go!). And yes, he is very hot in person. He's a very physical actor, which I think helped this play connect with it's audience, but...I was surprised at his anger. There was a lot of anger in the character and while I feel that, I expected a greater range. But it was still great. Ron Cook as the gravedigger was AWESOME. Geraldine James played a great Gertrude. At first I didn't feel Gugu Mbatha-Raw's Ophelia, but she played crazy very well. The set design and sound were dark and eerily moody, and the lighting was PHENOMENAL. Absolutely breathtakingly stunning. Perfect. Worth far more than the $35 ticket price for the lighting alone.

Lots of folks have been asking me about shows and ticket prices, and although I am not the most experienced of NYC theatrites, I did have a good mentor. The best place to check out everything about Broadway and Off-Broadway is Playbill.com. You can also get show times, theatre locations, and ticket prices there, and you can get cheaper tickets if you call ahead. Many shows offer student rush tickets, significantly discounted tickets that you can get day-of by asking for them and presenting your student ID. Some shows (like Hair, which I will, unfortunately, be seeing tomorrow) have a lottery for discount tickets. If we don't win tomorrow, I will pay $20 for standing-room only. Yes, that means you stand for the duration, but I hate Hair and I will NOT pay $60 for lousy seats for a show that I hate but that I feel obligated to see because we are reading it in class next week.

The quality of the discounted seats varied. For Finian's Rainbow our student rush tickets were at the front of the orchestra, house right, what I thought were really some of the best seats in the house (although productions of this scale are almost always designed to look pretty good even at the back of the house). Those tickets were $27. Tonight's student rush tickets for Hamlet were $35, and the seats were in the middle right of the balcony. The seats were EXCEEDingly uncomfortable (a lot of the old theatres are, although the worst by far was BAM); my knees were literally pressing into the back of the seats in front of me for the entire 3 hour show...and I'm short! Imagine how the tall people felt... Each row is more expensive than the one behind it, and Hamlet has been set for a limited run, until December 6th, so it's clear that the student rush tickets are more pricey and not as good because the show expects to make a lot of money in a very short time. And while there were certainly open seats at tonight's production, they were few and far between, so it looks to be meeting it's goal. I am sure 1/2 of the audience was there because Jude Law's face is all over the advertising.

I only had to go a few hours ahead of time to get rush tickets (in fact, tonight I had been planning on getting there 2 hours ahead of time, but I didn't even leave the house until 5:45, and didn't buy my ticket until about 45 minutes before curtain). I probably could have showed up a few minutes to curtain and gotten the tickets, but the seats would have been worse. But I am sure for some shows it really helps to show up at noon, or to line up at the kiosk on the northern part of Times Square and buy them that morning (ask KMJ for more details, as she's the one who stood in line at that kiosk-to no avail-last spring). I like to make sure I have my tickets and then head over to 9th Avenue for dinner. There are lots of good little restaurants that are only a little overpriced there. So, this is how I recommend you do Broadway. Thanks to Donatella for all the advice!

Oh, also, tonight after the show I was the impatient walker, darting around all the slow gawking that was happening in Times Square. I got to my train and was just hanging around when I struck up this conversation with these two guys. One was from LA and the other from NYC, they both worked for this investment company and were hanging around the city, trying to find a place for a party. They were super fun, and one was very cute. I wish I had gotten his number, but he got off so soon! Alas!

Updates

2009-11-20T16:16:00.002-06:00

Instead of posting an update today, I've added a new section:
New York Theatre

You can find it to the right of the screen (or, screen left, haha). I'll include links to all the plays I get to see in New York City. I eventually hope to upload pictures of all the programs or tickets or something, but for now I am accepting the publicity artwork/photos. You can keep up on the theatre I make it to, let me know if you think I should see anything, or ask for my opinion on a production. Yay!

PS: I'll be tweaking this over the next few days to make it more lovely. I couldn't find a pre-made widget for this, but I was able to usurp blogspot's "List" with html.

Top 10

2009-11-19T08:15:00.002-06:00

Since I am a schmuck today and super busy, I'm stealing another list from the good ol' Jessi.

Top 10 favorite foods:

1. pizza
2. sushi/sashimi: any kind without crunchy vegetables (except scallions are ok)
3. good cheese: cheese curds from WI, aged cheddar or gouda, chevre, humboldt fog, ETC!
4. prosciutto
5. popcorn: any kind except the kind with the sugary shell on the outside (yes, that means caramel corn is out)
6. garlic bread
7. pad thai
8. general tso's or sesame chicken
9. a good cheeseburger, preferrably with bacon or mushrooms or onion rings on it
10. fresh fruit: almost anything, pineapple, apple, cherry, kiwi, mango, strawberry, blueberry (I love fruit)

This does not bode well for my health. Only the last one is remotely good for me. Why can't my favorite food be spinach?

"Rachel's Mom" Muffins

2009-11-18T23:59:00.001-06:00

Too busy to write much. These muffins were delicious.

1.5 cups sugar
1 tsp baking soda
3/8 tsp ginger
3/4 t. nutmeg
1 15 oz can 100% pure pumpkin
3 eggs
2 2/3 c flour
1 t salt
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
3/4 c margarine or butter
1 1/4 c chopped nuts, optional
1 1/4 c chocolate chips
cream margarine and sugar
add eggs and spices, mix well
add flour, salt, baking soda and pumpkin
mix together
stir in chocolate chips and nuts
grease 24 muffin cups
bake at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes

* I actually don't know if "t" also means tsp. I just copied it exactly as it was written. I assume so, but I'll ask Clare and get back to you.

someone throw me a freaking rope or something

2009-11-17T21:53:00.003-06:00

alright, I LIED, there are no new pictures on fb because i'm drowning! drowning in work! Glub glub glub....

I have lots of reading left to do and I am teaching half of our class on Thursday! On my topic! Ack I wish I were better prepared! *reads frantically*

And, more than that, I need to be an expert on everything. Everything! Right away!

glub glub glub

D. C. Weekend Recap!

2009-11-16T20:35:00.010-06:00

1) Arrive evening of Thursday. Find train. Take it. Meet Clare and Rachel at their station. Much grand waving while still within the protective turnstiles occurred. Then there was hugging and yelling and walking to their beautiful place and yammering and eventually sleeping.

2) Rachel goes to work. The rest of us sleep in and attempt to be productive. Then we attempt to open a bank account. Then we attempt to buy groceries. Altogether unsuccessful afternoon. Then there was consumption of some beer (Dogfish Head=good!) and MANY tiny hamburgers and french fries with fancy sauces. Drunk on food only, we proceed to pick up tired Rachel from her long productive day and find some weird place called The Big Hunt. Irish Car Bombs and furry chandeliers ensued, quickly followed by more train travel and sleep.

3) Rachel goes to work (yes, it is Saturday). Muffins of deliciousness are baked. (Rachel's mother's recipe is for pumpkin chocolate chip. Yes, I will be making these.) Productivity is once again attempted and somewhat achieved. Bank accounts are achieved. We go to this great place called Busboys and Poets, and while drinking coffee and whisky and/or more Dogfish Head, we get a phone call from Toby! I haven't gotten a call from him in over a year, so it was wonderful to hear from him. We hung around and eventually met Rachel and her party of folks from work, and had some delicious dinner. Then we went to a house party (!), which was strange. But I met some cool folks that know Rachel, and that was good. One of them is a grad student at the New School and lives in Harlem. Cool enough, but on top of that he also works on the sort of things that intersect with the sort of things that I work on. He gave me some good hints on things to sink my teeth into in New York, so I'm really glad I met him. We return to their apartment and Clare and Rachel go to bed. I stay up until 3:30 studying.

4) It is beautiful out. We get up at an awfully early hour. Rachel goes to work. Clare and I go to Big Bear Café (sorry, no actual bears of either type) and finish our homework. We then go to the East Market Farmer's Market and Rachel eventually joins us. Purchasing of produce commences. I try Honeycrisp apples and "Asian pears" for the first time and am duly impressed. Pumpkin butter is purchased (mmmm...pumpkin...). We all get a little whiny, and I decide to take off for a glass of wine, a cup of tea, and some alone time for both me and them. We all nap. Harmoniousness is restored! I get ahold of Cedric (yay!), someone who I should have first hung out with long ago. Actually, Cedric and I knew of each other in Madison, and he would frequently drive past me on the street and lean out the window to yell my name. But we never hung out, I don't know why. Anyway, he lives and works in DC now, so I was stoked to get to grab a smoothie with him. He had a cold (boo), but we still managed to talk almost incessantly for several hours. He's an amazing, sweet person, a great listener, a critical thinker, and I look forward to chilling with him again. I return to Clare and Rachel's, and on the way I get to talk to Mingwei! It sounds like she's doing very well. I study some more and Clare and Rachel watch Mary Poppins. We sleep.

5) I get up this morning, pack and shower, say goodbye my friends, and hoof it downtown. I arrive at the bus just on time to be told that my ticket is for the wrong date (WHA?!). I am forced to buy a new bus ticket. Boo. 5 hour bus ride in which sleep is always interrupted first by our arrival in Baltimore, and later by the terrible, speeding bus driver constantly needing to slam on the breaks to avoid carnage. I stop by this place called Izumi Shushi near 28th and 7th, where I honestly had the best sushi I've had so far in NY. It wasn't super creative, although the lunch specials were good; it was the freshness of the fish. It was definitely exactly like fresh raw fish should taste like. I really recommend the toro scallion roll, which I switched for something else on a whim at the last minute. It was by far my favorite, but I also had eel, salmon, and regular tuna, and all of the fish tasted amazing. Quality of products really make a difference; even the avocado tasted amazing. Then I caught a train home and met my cat. Yay. I would have had a nap, but the drummer upstairs is still going nuts (he must be teaching lessons or suffer from some debilitating mental disorder WHEREUPON HE BECOMES INCREDIBLY ANNOYING. Always when I am trying to nap). Anyway, I've spent the rest of the afternoon studying and trying to buy cat food. I'm passing out soon. The blissful sleep I've been trying to get all weekend is calling me.

All in all, I have a beautiful trip which severely combated my loneliness. I feel much my old self. Here are some photos of around their apartment. More are up on fb. Enjoy!

Clare works:

Boots:

Leaf on window ledge:

Bike:

Their apartment:

The foyer:

Rachel works:

Tegan, my first love:

happy happy happy

2009-11-15T12:23:00.002-06:00

warm fuzziness is a coffee shop with this woman

revealing

2009-11-14T15:02:00.001-06:00

I've stolen it from her!

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items.
You can only pick one thing from the following departments… what is it?
1. Produce : Mushrooms
2. Bakery : Garlic ciabatta
3. Meat: Sashimi-grade salmon (hey, if you're buying...)
4. Dairy : 5-yr+ gouda (with crunchy bits)
5. Dry goods : Popcorn

Let’s say we’re heading out for a weekend getaway. You’re only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what’s in your bag?
1. plain black t-shirt
2. jeans
3. New Balance sneakers

If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 4 phrases or words would I be most likely to heard?
1. "it's a social construction"
2. "errrgh"
3. "I know!"
4. "awkward"

So, what 4 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn’t get to do, you probably wouldn’t be in the best mood?
1. Shower
2. Check my email
3. Pet my cat
4. Sleep

You’re driving down the road, and suddenly you’re hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?
1. Jerks
2. Self-centered jerks
3. Capitalism! Racism! Sexism! Competition! Blatant unkindliness! America's sense of entitlement! Oh god!

Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We’re talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
1. Surfing the internet
2. Chowing down on some popcorn
3. Singing along to my music
4. Napping
5. Reading fiction

We’re going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it’ll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
1. Sea otters! River otters! Otters otters otters.
2. Dolphins
3. Penguins

You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick between 4, so what are you deciding between?
1. Firefly
2. Firefly
3. Firefly. Is this really a choice?
4. The old Whose Line Is It Anyway?

You’re hungry for ice cream. I’ll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?
1. cookies and cream
2. pecan praline/butter pecan
3. chocolate peanut butter

Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what’s in there?
1. debit card
2. credit card
3. driver's license
4. photos of family and friends
5. monthly unlimited ride metro card

You are at a job fair, and asked in what areas you are interested in pursuing a career. Let’s pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would best describe what you want to be?
1. President
2. musician
3. taxi driver
4. opinionated

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high/middle school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?
1. LIGHTEN UP. It's ok to have fun. Being in trouble is not the end of the world. Think about why rules are in place and make intelligent choices from there.
2. You are SO BEAUTIFUL. Those boys aren't making fun of you. They are hitting on you.
3. Look around you. You are part of a complex system that affects everyone around you. It's ok to be wrong and you DON'T know everything.
4. Stop wasting your energy doing what everyone else wants and figure out what YOU want.

FRIDAY

2009-11-13T20:02:00.001-06:00

Where upon I take an idea from Jessi and do the friday fill-in.

1. The last band I saw live was The Cash Box Kings and Pupy Costello and His Big City Honky Tonks at the High Noon Saloon back in Madison last spring.
2. What I look forward to most on Thanksgiving is seeing Kristen and Rachel, and cooking our own new Thanksgiving recipes! I sense a new family tradition beginning! Hopefully I can get my family to be part of it!
3. My Christmas/holiday shopping is something I've only dreamed of so far. Gulp!
4. Thoughts of good old times fill my head.
5. I wish I could wear high heels.
6. Bagpipes are strange but mournful.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going out with Rachel and Clare, tomorrow my plans include catching up on my homework and Sunday, I want to see Cedric!

...in a bag!

2009-11-12T21:34:00.000-06:00

On the way to D.C. Intermittent internet. Here, enjoy Gilgamesh instead.

At the Graduate Center, it is always TheatRE. To -ER is unthinkable.

2009-11-11T22:24:00.004-06:00

Saw Finian's Rainbow at the St. James Theatre tonight. Exchanged some flirtatious smiles with the drummer in the pit. Normally I would complain that this was the best part of the evening, but the show actually...was not that bad.

There's not much I should talk about here, but, let's face it, I never update that other blog, so you guys are just gonna have to cope. The show has a very interesting depiction of race in America in the 1930s that remains relevant today. There were interesting depictions of class-based racial solidarity in the south, which I happen to be reading about in Zinn's People's History of the United States Right Now. There were even critiques of the middle-class (although all the while rife with middle-class values). And then there was the race change of the antagonist. It's a fascinating (albeit superficial) look.

And of course there's a hilarious prestidigitating leprechaun. So, you know. Really well-rounded. But then my appreciation for it got compounded by multiple baseless heterosexist love stories.

Balls.

NOTE: I went back and read this post and realized that you can tell I haven't formed a full opinion on it yet, because all I have to say is: "interesting" "interesting" "relevant" "fascinating"...

Bake bake baking!

2009-11-10T21:29:00.008-06:00

No, I didn't say bac bac bacon, but maybe I should have...

Yesterday I was caught up with most of my work and trying to think of a house-warming gift for my friends who just moved to D.C. I went recipe hunting and discovered this amazing recipe from The Amateur Gourmet: Zucchini Olive Oil Cake with Lemon Crunch Glaze!. It sounds weird, but the guy's a funny writer so he had me convinced. Besides, the zucchini is a squash that I have never learned to appreciate (actually I don't really like squash at all...), so I thought I needed to acquaint myself with it better.

And anyway, if the words Lemon Crunch Glaze don't make your taste buds twinge a little, perhaps you aren't eating enough lemon. So, I decided that after I got out of work and class today I would make this monster and bring it with me to DC on Thursday. I know it's a little early to make a cake for the weekend, but some classmates and I are off to get student rush tickets for Finian's Rainbow tomorrow night, so I just don't have any more time. I'm sure it will keep.

Well, here's the result. What do you think?

I'd doubled the recipe (well, almost...I ran out of vanilla. And granulated sugar(!) And, all-purpose flour. And the only nutmeg we had was whole, so I had to grind it by hand, and, well, 2 teaspoons is a lot of hand-grinding, and, well, eventually I just gave up. I ended up using my flatmate's flour, and substituting some extra confectioner's sugar for granulated, but the vanilla was a total loss). But somehow, despite the doubling and the disasters, I ended up with enough batter for three cakes (and an entire left-over zucchini...now what!?). The last one was a little thinner, and got a little burned on the bottom, the second one lost the bottom when I was taking it out of the pan, BUT the third one was just right.

They sure look pretty though! The last one is the one that is going to my friends. The other two I'll have to find something to do with...I'm just not sure what to do with these cakes...(nom nom nom...)

Of course, last night when I was thinking about the cake recipe, I couldn't wait to try out another recipe I'd discovered. It's the pizza dough recipe from Peter Reinhardt's The Bread Baker's Apprentice. You can find a link to enough of the recipe to try it here but the author warns that it is pared down. The key to success, claims the author, is an over-night refridgerated rising for the dough. So I halved the recipe, threw the dough together last night, balled it up, and floured it and wrapped it in oiled plastic wrap. I am a moron and forgot that this is BREAD DOUGH, and instead of putting them all on top of something solid I just tossed them in the fridge. One of them was on top of the bars (instead of on top of my carton of eggs or on top of my package of shredded mozzarella, yes, I cheated and used pre-shredded cheap store-brand mozzarella, but this is NY, there is NO CHEESE here), and when I came back the next day it had, of course, sunk through the bars, spread all over my flatmates enormous selection of jams, and solidified-ish into this paste-y mess. Awesome.

After cleaning that up, I didn't have a lot of trouble with the recipe, though I couldn't stretch the dough nearly as much as that recipe calls for. All of the times it tells you to flour your hands and mess around with the dough, you might be making a mistake, because the delicate flour to water ratio which is supposed to make pizza dough so good was definitely lost. This dough was easy to work with, which is nice but wrong. What I get from the reading is that pizza crust's water to flour ratio should be obnoxiously sticky.

All in all, I was happy with the dough anyway, although the high flour ratio was noticeable and a little weird (read: it tasted too floury). I also threw together a tomato sauce which I was also not-quite pleased with. There were too many seeds in the can of crushed tomatoes I used, and next time I would use more tomato paste and less oregano. But still, when this baby finally came out of the oven at like 10:30 pm, it was DE-licious.

The crust, for all its short-comings, was still the best I've ever made. It wasn't puffy, and the bubbles weren't fluffy, which is good, because I'm not really a fan of that kind of dough. It was crispy and chewy without being too crispy or too chewy. Woohoo! I used up my shredded cheese, so it looks like I am making flat bread tomorrow, which I think will turn out great. I'll keep you posted.

Title!

2009-11-09T12:29:00.003-06:00

Well, while I have been deprived of my NASCO peeps (and whined about it all weekend), this has actually been a good weekend for me. I caught up on my school work and house work, I caught up with my mom, and I got some good advice from an old mentor at UW.

It was unseasonably warm yesterday, and today also feels beautiful. I am inspired to go on with my work and that is important. I'm going for a walk this afternoon to explore the neighborhood east of me. I'll take some pictures for you all...

Well, this is actually kind of a boring one.

2009-11-08T16:52:00.003-06:00

Today I'm genuinely back in business! You can tell because I walked to the train and went into town. I stopped at several pharmacies and finally found a cheap humidifier. The air here is incredibly wet when it is warm and very dry when it is cold; hopefully this will help me get rid of the cough that always sticks around after I am sick. I also walked through Times Square and went to the Mid-Manhattan Library and did some reading for school. Then I walked around Midtown a bit.

This weekend has, much to my chagrin/happiness, been quite productive. I finished up my reading for Tuesday and Thursday already, and I am finishing listening to some recordings for Tuesday right now. Tonight I will read through as much as I can for Wednesday, and hopefully finish that as well. It will feel very good to actually be ahead. Before class I'll review the readings, and in the meanwhile I will prepare the readings I need to distribute to my research class for the 1/2 of class I'm teaching the week after. I will also start the readings for that week as well, so that I can enjoy myself in D. C. this weekend.

Some suggestions I have heard so far for a house-warming gift:
beer/something drinkable
plant/s
something decorative (I have already threatened to get them a bowl with those decorative balls in it...we both hate those things)
something edible (if I can find coconut strings I can try this great recipe)

More ideas!

I hope it's warm enough for visiting Minnesota and Wisconsin this winter...

2009-11-07T23:22:00.003-06:00

I ventured out of the house today! I went to the hardware store and bought a coat hook, and installed it near my bedroom door. Not very exciting, true. But this is a good sign that I am recovering. The anti-viral treatment has really made a remarkable difference. Usually I struggle through with the flu and am miserable for a week, but today I was really feeling significantly better. Of course this would happen now that I've missed half of NASCO Institute. But I talked to Clare today and bought a train ticket to visit her and Rachel (and Cedric!) in D. C. I shall have to get them a house-warming gift. But I just don't know what they'd need....recommendations welcome.

This, of course, all reminds me of how much I miss them and being together in Madison. It is very strange, not that I don't miss Madisonians at all, but with Clare not being there any more, a sizeable piece of my desire to go back is gone. I am glad that Clare and I are still friends. That is a weight off of my shoulders. But I suppose I should have known, because we stayed friends even when she moved out of the house. So YAY! for friendships.

I also bought a coat online. When KMJ came to town to visit, we were out at a restaurant and this woman who was leaving had the most beautiful bright purple pea coat with empire waist. I stopped her and asked her where she had got it from, and she told me that this mall store had an online section with plus sizes. So, as it's been getting progressively colder here, I decided to stop at the website and order a coat today, in the hopes that it will arrive before I freeze to death. But the coat didn't look like the same one online, and it wasn't in quite the right size, so I started poking around at other plus size sections of other stores I know. And I went to Fashion Bug, a store about which I have very mixed feelings, and they had cute pea coats in a bunch of colors marked down to $60. Not cheap, but about what I would expect to pay for a coat. I decided to get the bright blue one. Then I poked around at boots for a while and finally decided to buy the coat. I checked really quick for online coupons, found one that seemed to good to be true and plugged it in. Imagine my surprise when this coupon for 50% off worked! I got this $110 coat for $30. I quickly checked out before the coupon expired or something. It's coming this week, and I'm excited about getting such a deal on it.

Woohoo for not freezing to death!

FYI

2009-11-06T17:06:00.001-06:00

things i do not like
(inspired by Fussy)
illness
when the heat is on too high too early
living with other people
~~cat poo~~ ~~animal poo~~ poo in general
hipsters and wannabe-hipsters
missing the best weekend of fall
neo~~liberalism~~ ~~conservativism~~ ~~liberalism~~ uh both
cooked green peppers

things i do like
fresh flowers
learning to cook for one
voicing my cat's thoughts with a british accent
raw green peppers
a good story
the internets
garlic
firefly (both the insect and the tv show)
tall people
Whiskey beer with Clare, wine with WASTED, beer with Jan, vodka with Ari,
piña coladas and coco frio with Kristen, Irish Car Bombs with anyone

Easy Thursday

2009-11-05T11:33:00.003-06:00

Since I'm still feeling lousy, I'm taking the easy way out today and stealing a survey from Jessi

1. What time did you wake up this morning? 7:42
2. Are you hungry? Sort of in that weird sick way
3. What level can you play on Guitar Hero? Only easy.
4. When was the last time you ate ice cream? A few weeks ago.
5. What color is your winter jacket? I don't have one yet! Yikes!
6. Who is your favorite neighbor? I don't know any of my neighbors yet.
7. Do you wish at 11:11? Sometimes
8. Last phone call? Kristen
9. What were you doing six hours ago? Sleeping
10. What are some details about your first kiss? He was MUCH older than me...
11. Have you had any soda today? No
12. What is your favorite scary movie? I am a wuss, I can't handle scary movies.
13. Do you own a Wii? No. I wish I did, I would play Super Mario Galaxy all the time.
14. Did you wear shorts today? No
15. Anything fun happening this weekend? Well, I was going to go to NASCO Institute and see all the cool people, but I guess I'm just staying in and playing with my cat...
16. What is your favorite type of Pop Tart? Cinnamon & sugar
17. Do you subscribe to any magazines? Not anymore
18. What was the last television show you watched? It's been ages...I watched A&E Sherlock Holmes this past summer sometime, I'm sure.
19. Do you know any other languages? I know some Spanish.
20. Are you wearing anything green? Not now
21. Are your parents married or divorced? Divorced
22. Would you ever have plastic surgery? Probably not, but it depends
23. Have you ever done anything illegal? I plead the 5th
24. Can you roll your tongue? Yes
25. What is your hair color? Dark brown
26. Gold or silver? Silver
27. Hamburger or hot dog? Hot dog
28. City, beach or country? A beach, any beach
29. When's the last time you cried? This morning...I hate being sick
30. Do you post poems in your blog? Thank goodness no.
31 Ever been involved with the police? Yeah
32. Ocean or pool? Ocean, I love the waves
33. Do you drive a stick? No, I wish I knew how
34. Cake or ice cream? Cake
35. Have you ever given money to a bum? Yes
36. Last thing you spent lots of money on? My cat's vet trip
37. Where do you live? NYC
38. Last wedding attended? Avi and Alexa's
39. Favorite drink? Irish Car Bomb
40. How long was your longest drive in a car? Madison to Virginia by way of NYC. Well, we were in a truck, but I think it counts.

Cough cough hack sniffle

2009-11-04T17:22:00.005-06:00

Not much to blog about today. I'm sick. I didn't get my flu shot because the wellness center at the CUNY Grad Center hadn't gotten them in and I didn't want to pay for it when I could get one free. And now I have the flu. I went to the doctor and he prescribed me some antiviral stuff because my temperature is so high. Now I am just on the lookout for "emergency warning signs" that would mean I would have to go to the hospital. Boo.

Double boo is that now I can't go to NASCO Institute this weekend. I am very sad.

If you are sick with the flu, here's some advice from the CDC.

Number 50!

2009-11-03T16:05:00.005-06:00

Woohoo! Post number 50. Wow, that's...so not as impressive as I hoped. Twitter is channeling all my clever comments.

People ask me lots of questions about what it's like to live in New York City, so I will try to answer some of those questions here. The most popular question so far has been about how I get around, oddly enough. So, for your information.

I always leave my apartment an hour before I want to get to school or work. If it is the weekend or if I am going further downtown (or if I have to transfer and go uptown), I need to leave about 1.5 to 2 hours before I need to be someplace. I walk about a mile to the train station. I have a monthly unlimited ride pass, which costs a little less than $100, so I don't hesitate going anywhere. I then wait for the train to come. I usually go into town on the weekends or the early morning, so I can usually get a spot on the first train that comes. If there isn't an open seat, there are bars to hold on to, and the train moves quite fast. Depending on which train I can catch (both my house and the Grad Center are near larger stations where several lines run), it is usually 15 to 25 minutes to get into the city (which is what the residents of the outer boroughs call Manhattan). Then I walk a long block and cross the street to my building. We're literally across the street from the Empire State Building, so I usually have to avoid a lot of traffic, people trying to hand me marketing or get me to go on tours.

There are also buses that I can take, but if I have to get anywhere I usually walk. The buses take some time (see yesterday's post), and I enjoy getting to walk so much, despite the pollution. I almost never take a cab, but I do have a small cab fund in case I need to get somewhere in a hurry. I took a cab once so far, when I only had 15 minutes to get to a show, and it was totally worth it. Nonetheless, cabs are expensive, and I couldn't afford to take one to class, for example.

Everything else is mostly in my neighborhood, although I wish I had a World Market or something. There are a few grocery stores and fruit stands within 10 blocks, a hardware store right down the street, and a few dollar stores within the block. There's a shipping store right across the street, and an organic food store 5 blocks west that sells Gil's food. There's a vet a few blocks away, although I might have to venture out further because I'm not sure I like this particular vet. There is also a laundromat a few blocks down, and my flat has a cart that I can stuff all my laundry in so that I don't have to carry it. There are two florists across the street, one good one and one lousy one. I didn't know that one of them was lousy until I bought these irises.

They're beautiful, as you can see, but they are already dying.

This all means that I am incredibly thankful to Andra, who taught me how to take public transportation. Without that, I'm sure I'd be stuck in Astoria.

November 2nd is not a good day to be striving for material...

2009-11-02T22:10:00.006-06:00

Well, I have 49 minutes left to blog today before I've lost this challenge essentially before it has began. With that in mind, today's post might not be funny or even interesting. But it is timely.

A few weeks ago a fellow student in my program at the CUNY grad center invited me and another student to have dinner with her and her boyfriend at their apartment. I was stoked. I am interesting, funny, opinionated but open-minded, and moderately well-versed in almost every topic under the sun. I am great for dinner parties with strangers. Once I get to know people better, I become more willing to speak my mind and drink my fill, so to speak, and my ability to converse about most subjects means that, on many of those topics I can only converse to a certain depth before I get out of my league. So I become a less-than-perfect (albeit still entertaining) dinner companion. It's then that I discover which people are my good friends and which people are merely very polite. Good friends either enjoy or forgive me for who I really am, even when I'm at a loss for words.

And not only am I a jack-of-all-trades enough to converse about culture, science, economics, or recent events. I've also spent some time training myself to be a good dinner-party guest. Always ask what you can bring, expect to be politely declined, always bring something anyway. Drink what your host offers, compliment the meal, include everyone in conversation, dress not-too-nicely, steer clear of politics (this one is hard for me), which fork to use, where to sit, how much to eat, have a little (!) coffee before you come over to kick things off, what to do with your napkin and your wine glass and if there really is a fly in your soup, and ALL. THAT. NONSENSE.

All of this is weird for a working-class girl from the Midwest. I started caring about it when I was still interested in business, and after that I realized if I was going to make a class transition I was going to need to learn to speak the language of where I was headed, to abide by the social codes. (Aside: This, in fact, is entirely what getting an advanced degree is about. You do learn facts, theories, and methods. But mostly you learn how to speak, write, and THINK like an academic.) For your information I learned all of this by reading, mostly on the internet. I especially like Table Manners on Chowhound, a site for people who know far more than me, but where I like to go to learn how to act like I know how to talk about and think about wine and food. But beware posting.

Anyway, you can imagine how freaking excited I was to be invited to an honest-to-goodness dinner with some cool people. And of course, for me, being excited is always, I repeat, always a mistake. It has been pretty much true throughout my current existence, that if I get excited about something, look forward to it, expect it, anticipate it, or in general get my hopes up about an event or occasion, the chances are that I will not enjoy it. I don't know if it is fate or if my expectations are too high, but I have learned that flying by the seat of my pants makes me happier (and thus probably more fun as well). You can imagine what this means for my ability to plan a party: oh fuck. Can I plan a party? Hell yes! Will I have any fun at it? Probably not. So I should have realized when I was looking forward to this thing that I was going to somehow curse it.

And I did. I committed the ultimate faux pas. I arrived late. Not a gentle 5-10 minutes "fashionably late" late. 1 hour and 15 minutes late, to be precise. One. Hour. AND. Fifteen minutes. Holy cow. I had a million good excuses (I burnt the bread to hell and had to find something else to bring, I missed my train, I took a bus instead, the bus blew a tire, the bus is a terrible idea for long distances in NYC, etc.), but it really didn't matter. I was terribly, utterly, horribly late. FAIL.

The appropriate response probably would have been to just cancel when I realized that I would be beyond 20 minutes late, even though I told them I'd be there shortly. Then they could have enjoyed the evening without having to wait for dinner (which I'm unsure if they actually did). But, being the awkward soul that I am, I just sat on that bus (and then the second bus that they sent to pick us up when the first blew a tire). And waited nervously. I waited nervously as we went up the UES and stopped every other block for 131 blocks. No lie. 32nd Street to 163. And as we got stuck in traffic every three or four blocks. It was literally insane. And when we blew that tire I thought I was losing my mind. The downside to drinking coffee before you come over is that if you are stuck on the bus it will make every second you are late feel like eternity.

I wish there was a positive ending to this story, like "but the food wasn't even done when I arrived and my wine saved the day and we stayed late into the evening chatting." But there isn't. *sigh* I guess I've just got to resign myself to being the awkwardest of awkwards. But they were very great hosts, handled it very well, and it gave them a chance to chat with the other guest for a while, which I guess is good. And hey, it could have been worse. What an awkward end to an awkward post about an awkward evening...

Wherein I am strongly influenced by my siblings

2009-11-01T12:15:00.010-06:00

So, yesterday my twin Kristen calls me and yells at me: "Blog more!" Then she hangs up.

Yeah yeah yeah.

And then today I notice that my sister Jessi is doing NaBloPoMo. And I remembered the days when Kristen used to do NaNoWriMo and, despite how totally nuts that made her (and I hope she isn't doing it this year, no offense twin), how awesome and impressive it was.

SOOOOOOOOooooooOOOO

I caved.

Now, blogging is NOT as cool as writing a novel, even if that novel sucks because you wrote a lot of bad exposition just to get to your word count (the goal for nanowrimo is 50,000 words in a month). But I think it will be nice for me to have some goal here lest I get lost in the weirdness that is solitude and graduate school.

So, how should I begin? It's the beginning of November, I'm listening to They Might Be Giants and watching my cat sleep in an exhausted lump on the couch. Which means it has been a weird beginning of the month so far. Halloween was last night. I got dressed up and met Katy, Jana, and Katy's friend John at Union Square around 8.

There was a giant parade on 6th Avenue that's supposed to be amazing, so we headed over there to check it out. I got some really great pictures. Check them out:

Yeah. As you can see, the closest we got was...still not close enough to see anything. We actually got about five people deep, but still couldn't see anything because we ended up directly behind the Society for Ladies and Gentlemen Seven Feet or Taller with Umbrellas. It was also the most aggressive crowd I've ever been in. At one point we couldn't move for the wall of struggling, pushing people in front of, behind, and surrounding us. It was around this point that some girl (luckily) a few people behind me, who had been freaking out about the crowd, threw up all over her costume. In other words, it was freaking nuts. I'm a little disappointed because it's supposed to be an amazing parade, with all these huge puppets and amazing costumes interspersed with regular drunk people in their store-bought gear. Next year I think I'll walk in the parade, because I am pretty sure that's the only way to get a view.

We followed that up by stopping for dinner at some fancy place in Greenwich Village, and then traipsing around handing out PBRs and drinking Irish Car Bombs all over the Lower East Side. That might be an exaggeration.

After a while I bowed out because I am a little old lady and caught the train back to Astoria with HUNDREDS OF COSTUMED MANIACS JUST STARTING THEIR NIGHT. It was...surreal. Best costumes: a large man, probably late 30s, on the subway, wearing nothing but a giant diaper. Also, a group of people who went as the Super Mario Brothers characters. I saw lots of Mario and Luigis, but this group had Toad, the Princess (yes, in a barely-there-but-yet-reminiscent-of-Mario style dress), and Yoshi too, all huddled together under one umbrella in the rain near the parade.

What does a reasonable person do to follow up all this nonsense? I'm not sure; I clearly can't be reasonable because I'm a grad student. So I went home and studied. For a class. Which is on Tuesday. While coming down from all those Irish Car Bombs. Yeah, I know I have a problem.

This part is for Kristen:
And now I'm making blueberry muffins with streussel!

The goal is to read more for class, finish these muffins (baking, not eating, although I will undoubtedly be muffin-riffic for like a week), and then head over to a Packers bar on the Lower East Side (which is apparently the neighborhood I hang out in all the time now), and watch the Packers beat the heck out of the Vikings.

NOTE!: I just want you to know that I made 11 blueberry streussel muffins. And one chocolate-espressso blueberry cinnamon streussel muffin. I thought that the batter for the last one didn't have any blueberries in it, and I felt sad for it. I was trying to think of what I could add to it when I remembered that Katy, the night before had given me a small chocolate from her work: dark chocolate-espresso. So I fetched it from the pocket of my costume, broke it to bits, stuffed it in the batter and added a dash of cinnamon and the rest of the streussel. As I was eating it this afternoon I realized that there had been one blueberry in the batter, which was now hanging out. It was a weird, delicious experience.

PS: Just so you know, I may officially fail at this one-post-per-day requirement, because I'll be traveling from November 5 through 9 and I may not have internet access. But I guarantee that if this is the case I will write it on paper and post all 5 days upon my return to civilization.

2009-09-23T20:07:00.001-05:00

Hi Dad!

Travels and thoughts

2009-09-21T18:36:00.006-05:00

I visited the twin! I rode the Megabus down to Charlottesville, VA. It was only $3 on the way down, $13 back.

In fact, I'm on the bus now! See:

Anyway. Kristen has a sprained ankle, so we spent much time driving around Charlottesville and exploring. We also did a bit of shopping and discussing how she will set up her AMAZING apartment once she can walk without crutches and bend her leg and ankle properly. I am very excited for what I see happen there! It was a little like getting to organize my space again, except for Kristen has different tastes and preferences than me, which are difficult to communicate. We stopped at Pier 1 and I bought a few of these lovely glasses with little blue bubbles of glass stuck all over the lower third (the glasses I bought before are very shoddy; I've already broken 2 of them just knocking them over in the sink when doing dishes!). I don't get to bring them home yet, because I like to travel light and I spent the last 5 days living out of one backpack (which means that the backpack is kinda stuffed). Kristen will bring them when she comes to visit me sometime in October. She's going to come and get me, trade bookshelves (I have a darker one she wants, and she a lighter one I want), and we are going to go somewhere (possibly camping?) in upstate New York to enjoy the fall colors. I get very fresh fruit at the corner grocery in Astoria, so I am enjoying the thought of fall apples, but I miss having all the trees and all the leaves blowing around.

Kristen and I also did a lot of studying. Boring, I know, but a good sign for us, since it is likely that we will be this busy again for the rest of our lives and it shows we can get work done and still make time to hang out with each other. Yay! We also talked a lot about our new lifestyles. I have been really pausing to make studying the number one priority in my life, since I have that opportunity right now, and Kristen wants to do the same (I think). It is all very cool.

Recently a friend sent me a list of awesome goals she wants to meet before the end of the year, and I like the idea so I will replicate it below:

Go visit Ganas for dinner
Gain a better background/outline understanding of theatre history
Master Bordieu
Eat 20 different fruits
Eat enough veggies every day!
Walk in Central Park when the leaves are falling
Discover 3 new great places to ruminate over coffee/life/food/alcohol
Befriend at least one stranger (who is not at the grad center)
Finish NASCO's policy manual revisions
Go on at least 3 good dates
Host a successful party at my place
Visit Boston
Cook Thanksgiving dinner
See the tree at Rockefeller Center
Go to/host a non-pretentious wine tasting
Make-outs! Woo!

Ok, you can see I'm getting a little silly by the end, so it's time to sign off.

NYC fun

2009-09-11T22:56:00.003-05:00

Well. Two blog posts in one day. Who would have thought I had it in me. Well, technically if I don't crack this out in the next four minutes it will be posted tomorrow, but you get the idea.

Some lovely things happened that I thought I should share with you all. The loveliness began when I was sleeping early this morning. It was a little chilly from the lovely autumnal rain, which I could hear slightly through the open windows, and as I was pulling a blanket around me I realized that my cat was curled right up against me, a little under my arm, sound asleep. It was a moment that, through the blurry eyes of sleep seemed full of love and trust, very kind of him, for all we go through. I slept in until a lovely 8 am, gradually awoken by the hungry cat (attempting to be patient!) We ate and lounged around the room all morning. He curled on the couch, and I in a sweater in the old recliner under the open windows listening to the rain and traffic as I languidly read a book that continues to have some promise. It was a lovely scene that I always imagine when I think of fall, except for this time I actually have a cat and I didn't have a cup of hot cider. So I went to make some cider, but instead I ended up showering, making lunch, and strapping on my new sneakers (check out the purple and gray ones), and forcing myself to head out of the house. See, last week I thought I had this whole walking 3/4 mile to get home thing down but on Monday it kicked my ass (to be fair, I had stopped for $80 of groceries, basically my entire grocery shopping, and the walk is uphill). But still. So I decided that taking a day off isn't really worth it in the long run, so I wanted to try to force myself to go into the city at least once/day. That way I would explore more, get more exercise, and get out of the house. Winners all around.

So I'm quite content in my dress (neat new kicks, perfectly fitting black dress tee with 3/4 sleeves and heart-shaped bodice, favorite jeans rolled up to the knees exposing my white hairy legs but keeping my pants from dragging in the water, and the green scarf that Rachel got me in Israel that I used as a combination wrap/poncho), marching towards the train, finally wearing adequate walking shoes that are giving me a kick in my step. I've had a beautiful morning, I don't notice the length of the walk, and I just got a flirtatious smile from that dude. And my positive attitude just continued. I rode the train, I walked to class with the wind whipping my scarf and the rain around me in just the right way, I unrolled my pants gracefully before I got to my department, and I spent the afternoon getting caught up on my source of employment. Scanning documents for a professor, lunching and blogging about the phenomenon, hanging out with the few people from the department who were around on a Friday afternoon, etc. It was quiet and nice and sort of fun. Then I took the train up to 53rd Street and went to meet my flatmate Amy at the Museum of Modern Art. Due to a corporation which I will not name here, Friday nights between 4 and 8 are free admission to the MoMA. Previously I'd only been to the Whitney to see PROTECT PROTECT, so I was stoked to go see this exhibit, even if it meant that I was somehow supporting ~~nameless corporation~~

So, Amy got the tickets for us, but they wouldn't let her in without checking her bag (she was in bag check for almost an hour, so I'm very glad I didn't bring anything with me that didn't fit in my pockets). The thing is, this museum was crazy. I mean totally crazy. The line for coat check had probably 500 people in it. Like, it was absolutely flooded with people. It was AMAZING to see so many people who might not otherwise get out to see the art. While Amy was in coat check I went up to the top floor and checked out the special exhibition. It was work by James Ensor, and I enjoyed at least a third of it. My two favorite pieces were a portrait he did called The Oyster Eater, because he used a lot of red but hid all the bits beautifully, and Doctrinaire Nourishment, which included a bishop, a king, public service, a nun, and universal suffrage shitting on the happy faces of the masses below, while the sun vomits onto these prestigious figures. I know, you expect me to say how I loved the social commentary, but really I liked it because of how it looked. Everything seemed so right. I just don't know how to describe it.

After that we wandered around the other galleries. For the pleasure of those of you who are art illiterate like me, I'll only name what stuck out (I get on overload after a floor or two of art, and I admit we only made it through half of the museum before we had to go). There was an entire room of Matisse, including his sculpture (didn't know he did sculpture), although nothing I knew of before I entered the room. I had the pleasure of seeing three Picasso's (Les Demoiselles d'Avignon, I believe, as well as Girl before a Mirror and Three Musicians) Dali's The Persistence of Memory, Kahlo's Self-Portrait with Cropped Hair and Fulang-Chang and I (which, by the way, has two parts: the first the famous painting and the second a mirror in a similar frame installed side by side). I also saw Seurat (one of which I liked better than his famous A Sunday on La Grande Jatte, which wasn't there). What was most remarkable was van Gogh's Starry Night. I know it is totally cliche and has been returned to the pop art of the world, but there is something in all the lines and the colors and the picture that just draws you in. It was stunning. I stood looking at it for quite a while. The entire experience is one I can't sum up easily.

On the way out we stopped at the surrealist Eros exhibit, but my brain was too full to process it much, except I thought Julie might like it a lot. Afterwards we walked around Manhattan a bit (found the touristy LOVE statue, will be back to take photos later!), and then caught a train up to Astoria's famous beer garden. It was chilly and rainy, but they had set up these huge tents with lights and everything, so we did the genuine outside experience. We dined on kielbasa with bread and onions, and drank something light and Czech. It was awesome, the closest I've been to nature in a month, and a really fun experience. We struck up a couple conversations with neighbors, and except for one outburst where I called something she was saying totally stereotyping, we got along pretty well. We walked back in the rain and I am beat (done the calculation: over 6 miles of walking today...yay me). But the first thing I did was take out the trash, feed the cat, and do my 50 crunches (I almost forgot! Yikes!)

And the cat just jumped up on the bed even though I was hovering at the edge. He's half standing on the keyboard. I guess it's time to cuddle! I'll see you later, internet.

Nobody saw it coming

2009-09-11T13:20:00.006-05:00

I'm a notorious lunch-out-er. I've been known to have lunch out as early as 9 in the morning and as late as 7 in the "afternoon." Maybe it comes from disdain for the peanut butter sandwiches that filled up the lunches of my school days, or perhaps it is a convoluted expression of my desire to institutionalize the siesta in the US. (I mean, who doesn't want a break from everything for a nap right after lunch, refueling your energy level for more late-night fun?) Whatever the cause, no one is ever suprised to find me without a lunch from home. And, really, although I will lunch at chain restaurants or salad bars, I enjoy experimenting more. I love cart-food (an appreciation I picked up in Puerto Rico) and cafes with out-door seating. I enjoy restaurants that prepare a special menu, or just pare their menus down for the hours between 10 and 3. I adore coffee shops and bookstores with sandwiches.

I wish I could say that I came to the realization that I was going to cut down on lunching out when I was analyzing (in detail! with a calculator!) my new New-York-City-on-a-grad-student-budget finances. But I really came to the realization at the grocery store. Because really...REALLY people, it all just suddenly made sense. I had nice cheese (leftover from a rained-out Labor Day get-together), I had spinach and condiments, and man would all that go good with some cajun turkey. I think what finally won me over were the options. Because all those cafes and coffee shops each have their own fabulous options, but with the power of the grocery store, I could essentially make whatever I wanted for lunch. I could experiment exactly how I wanted to experiment. It was very promising.

All of you are undoubtedly going "DUH!" at this point, for which I can really only begrudge you the outmoded vocabulary. But really, you think I would have picked up on this sooner. I am sure it came from a combination of my limited income and oh yeah food-buying wasn't my workjob. (PS, Did you ever ask David H that one joke about the light bulb because it is hilarious for co-opers...Do it.) So, what with excessive overachievement on one hand coupled with a total unwillingness to do anything superfluous on the other, I haven't regularly bought groceries, I'm embarassed to say. Ever.

There was my first year at college, in the dorms, with the mini fridge, but the roommate always treated me with such disdain that I felt guilty for eating a pickle (vegetable...!). Than there was that one summer I lived "alone" but they had a cafeteria at the place where I worked/lived (and apparently /ate). And then... 4 years of someone else buying groceries for everyone in the house. Sigh. I thought I would miss those days.

Who knows? There are thousands of amazing cafes for me to discover in this city, so I might shortly fall off the home-lunch band-wagon. But for today there is Mexican Turkey:

1 Hard Mexican roll (bolillo-esque, but that's not what they called it at the grocery)
Some Turkey breast (I get it sliced so thin that it starts shredding)
A Buttload of Spinach
Lots of Brown Mustard
Slivers of White Onion
2 slices of El Trigal Manchego (thickly sliced, rind on)

Accompanying: kalamata olives and a slice of seedless watermelon (did you know it's getting very difficult to find watermelon WITH seeds?) With a lunch like this, who needs a siesta?

(Actually, I'd still like the siesta...)

Buying is being

2009-08-26T15:02:00.004-05:00

Beijing loves IKEA - but not for shopping - LA Times

The difference between America and the rest of the world?

2009-08-26T14:56:00.001-05:00

Love this

http://kottke.org/09/08/would-be-collective-nouns

Three times...

2009-08-24T21:24:00.012-05:00

Not to be a jerk, but I can only once recall seeing a movie where I did not anticipate the ending. It was The Prestige, and I won't ruin it here (although, I will admit that, while the IMDB entry for it makes it sound rather dull, I would probably still have enjoyed it even if the ending hadn't got me). I am constantly engaged when watching movies; my mind usually works through things as the movie progresses, eliminating possibilities left and right based off of hints of information in the movie and my knowledge of pop culture in general. And, admittedly, I did think of the ending of The Prestige, as soon as the main problem was presented, in fact. It was one of my working hypotheses early on. But something along the course of the movie made me cross it off my list, not even tentatively, but with a whole-hearted scribble. And that is why it was such a good movie. It tricked me, tricked everyone I'd talked to, made me stand up and say "How?" I loved it. I loved that feeling.

I am very rarely truly surprised. I mean, people have popped out of closets to scare me. I've jumped in fright, even shrieked. I've stumbled, been dismayed and disappointed many times. I've lived unforeseen events both good and bad, I've dealt with situations unusual and unexpected, but genuine surprise, an experience that my mind did not really conceive of as possible, has been very rare in my adult life. (My memories of childhood are so sparse that I really can't say what it was like to be surprised then, but I am sure I was not so unshakable as a kid.)

But I can recall three times when I have been genuinely surprised, when my brain, bewildered in its inability to anticipate this situation, has stuttered to a halt, my mouth gaping fish-like as I attempt to grasp reality before I fall flat on my face.

I am recounting these now because I just remembered one of them. I have told people "3 times" before, but I've never been able to expound upon the whole list, though I knew it was there.

The first time I can remember being surprised was my birthday, or around my birthday. It must have been senior year of high school. I was sleeping, in bed, in my room, at my parent's house. I woke up to find that Lisa was standing in my room. Being scantily clad and under-rested, I responded in the only reasonable way I could: by blubbering "Wuh?" and sitting up quickly. And then by just as quickly pulling the sheet up to my chin to prevent any more damage to Lisa's delicate eyes. Lisa giggled that really great low laugh she has that sounds like a mix of Butthead and Batman, and explained how she was on her way to work and couldn't stay, but happy birthday! She gave me two wonderful, beautiful gifts: a bunch of irises (beautiful, beautiful blue-periwinkle irises, today still one of my favorite flowers), and an autographed hardcover copy of the new Tamora Pierce book, Trickster's Choice. I still have the book, it sits in honor on the small hardcover fiction section of my bookshelf (or, it would if it weren't still in a box with all of my other books...I need to finish unpacking). I pulled the sheet around myself and hugged her, and I had nothing to say but "Thank you" and "ohmigawd." And I learned that day how I underappreciated my friends. Lisa was one of my best friends in high school, but I had learned that most of my relationships during that time were not about me. I learned to be less selfish in high school (well, in friendships anyway, don't even ask me how I treated my family...ugh), and I had therefore never imagined that anyone would know me well enough to pick out flowers for me (although Lisa was a fabulous florist), much less pick out a gift for me that I had never asked for (actually, never even knew existed until Lisa handed it to me), and gotten everything so right. I didn't know that if I had mentioned my favorite book series (when I was younger, 2 of 3 were by Tamora Pierce) Lisa had listened. That when I talked about what I found beautiful Lisa noticed and extrapolated. And I will always love her for that, no matter what else happens between us.

The second time was later that same year, I believe. Or maybe it was the year before. I don't remember. So maybe this one should be the first time but then I would be confused and I already wrote about that time, so whatever. This one is now officially second. I had a terrible habit in grade school of imagining that whatever giant award was being announced was for me. Whenever there were awards given out I would start listening to the description and think "That could be me. That could still be me." Etc. You can imagine how debilitating all this NEED TO WIN NOW thing must have actually been to my self esteem because really, it was never for me, and I was constantly disappointed. I mean I got my share of student-of-the-month-esque awards being a freaking whack-job about school (as my family can attest, as I recently went through a box of papers that were ONLY awards and assignments with praise and positive feedback on them). But it must have been that whole middle child thing I had going on, because it was never enough. I always wanted to win. Explains a lot about me, no? Oh wait, you couldn't tell that from my neurotic need to be good at everything, right? No? You could? Hmph. ANYWAY, in high school I joined DECA, a business and marketing club, and of course I had to win at it. I was the first sophomore they let join, and I did very well, winning awards at Regionals, State and Internationals in a variety of categories, was vice-president of something or other, you know, the whole thing. At State they always gave out some big awards at the closing or opening ceremonies, and the most prestigious for students was the state's Marketing Student of the Year award. I don't remember what the requirements were, but it sure sounds like a big deal, doesn't it? That year, or maybe the year after that, I don't recall but we really aren't going there (see above), I did the same thing I always did about the award, I listened and was like, "That could be me, that could still be me..." until I got to the part where I was like "Oh, that's definitely not me." And then I tuned out. Because the other people didn't really matter. (See the neuroses?) And I remained tuned out when I suddenly heard that the winner this year was the President of the Cooper Hawk fund. And I was all, no, that can't be right because I'm the President of the Cooper Hawk fund. For your information and because this hasn't dragged on long enough, the Cooper Hawk fund was me and a few other volunteers who went around school with these big tin cans, coffee tins with coin slots cut in the lid and decorated enthusiastically, who tried to raise enough money from our already broke students to adopt a Cooper's hawk (our mascot) from the rescue shelter, and have the experts come and free it during Homecoming. I planned the judicious use of those coffee tins, and dammit I did it well. It was one of the scores of activities (including DECA) that I participated in because I was lucky enough to not really have to pay attention to school in order to get good grades (and then grad school arrived to kick my ass). I mean, I did some cool volunteer stuff in high school, some community organizing around education that even now I think was pretty bad-ass, none of which was mentioned, and what did they notice but that lousy work I did with the can and the hawks. Anyway, next thing I know everyone from my school is snickering and kicking me and where has my teacher gone? and oh, wait, am I supposed to go up there and accept this plaque? Holy shit. It really was me, this time, I really won that award, the big one. And everyone knew about it but me.

The last time I was totally floored was much more recently. I have a good friend, named Avi, who might even be reading this blog right now (Hi Avi!). I met Avi when we were on Finance Committee together, oh, almost 3 years ago now? I love finance committee for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons was that Kathy served on that committee in her capacity as our finance staff person. I have spoken of Kathy briefly on this blog before. Anyway, when Avi joined this committee, I remember that first meeting. He drove Kathy and I nuts because he had to be right about everything. And there was something about the way that he had to be right...He reminded me so much of most of the other Philosophy (and Physics) majors I met in Madison, with this determination that if he had wrapped his mind around something and came out with a conclusion than it must be truth and everyone else a fool if they disagreed. Those type of people drive me nuts (how equally close-minded of me, you would be accurate to point out...). Anyway, over time I came to realize that Avi really wasn't that bad. He joined a group of friends of mine that hung out every Monday evening, and over time he grew less obnoxious. I, in fact, grew fond of him. This group of friends, mostly powerful men, had an annoying habit of turning our games into a sort of sausage-fest, with me and the other lady sort of hanging along the sidelines. But it's difficult to talk with some guys about their own masculine privilege and how they bring that, in this case literally, to the table. (Oops, I'm writing on the wrong blog for this bit, but its so relevant you are just going to need to deal. Tough it out.) One night they made a few really demeaning comments about a woman in the game, and I really lost it. I called them out for being sexist, that their behavior was oppressive and making me not want to hang with them anymore. Of course, they just got defensive, but I held my ground a little longer than usual before storming off to the lav. When I returned things continued as though my outburst hadn't happened. After that situation I was pissed off and uncertain about what I would do with my future Monday nights. And at that time Avi came to me as we were cleaning up and asked me to talk to him more about what I had been upset about. I was busy and a little flustered, so I explained things in my own terminology, we had a brief discussion about it, and he explained that his girlfriend was challenging him about a lot of these things and he wanted to learn more. I wrote the situation off, but I did notice that Avi was becoming increasingly more awesome to hang out with. Later, Avi told me he was taking a women's studies class and would like to talk with me about it if I wanted. We had a few good discussions throughout the semester about a variety of things that I never thought he would be really able to talk about. Kathy and I grew fond of talking about how pleasantly surprised we were by Avi. Overall, Avi is one of the most impressive people I know, because he is able to take his conceptions about a particular situation, and genuinely challenge himself. He is truly interested in bettering himself, even if that means he has to accept that he is wrong or needs to change. Not like it is my place to say if he is wrong or needs to change, but he was totally ok with this as no other person I've known has been. It has been a pleasure watching him grow and learn and change and I feel like I can say that without any condescension because I think he would say the same about me and we would both be saying it with respect. He's analytical, but thoroughly so, not like many people who are so caught up in how open-minded and analytical they are that they cannot possibly be wrong. ANYWAY, the point of this is that Avi surprised me a little when he told me that he and his girlfriend were getting married. But, having learned from Avi to give more people the benefit of the doubt, I did just that about his marriage plans, and have slowly come to realize that they are the right decision for him. Avi really surprised me when he asked me to be in his wedding party. I was totally astonished. I have truly enjoyed my relationship with Avi so far, but this is once again one of those situations when I just did not realize the extent that another person was actively participating in our relationship. I thought I saw the full of it during my interactions with him, but there was so much more. I was completely floored when he used the word "mentor" to describe me. My mouth blathered out a "Yes, of course" before my brain kicked in. Thank god I have good instincts. I have never been more honored than to be a part of this significant page of this man's life.

hoping

2009-08-05T13:15:00.002-05:00

It's so dangerous to hope. I will probably delete this before I post it, because if I hope for something, if I expect something, it almost never works out. And it's not really that it doesn't work out that hurts (and it does), but I think the worst is that I am disappointed. Better to have no expectations and roll with things as they come, happy and sad, than to perpetually be disappointed.

But, like listening to T Swift's Love Story, it feels so good and so terrible, simultaneously. And so...I hope for strength and knowing who I am and love god do I hope for love, I hope against all odds that my friendships are as beautiful as they are now, that they continue to blossom. I hope and hope that there will come a time when my people will remain with me and I won't leave and neither will they. That even though things will change there will be some constancy in my life, some people, where I can look back and say I have known this person for so long, and we still hang out once a week. God I want that. I think that is what I want more than anything right now. That I don't need to keep saying goodbye.

But that's life, right? Even if I stayed in Madison or moved to back to the Cities, things would change. People live, and grow old, and die. And maybe I have a misplaced sense of belonging or of constancy because we moved so often, because I have never managed to stay settled (even now, that I actively identify with a home). But if I didn't have that, I would still lose people, and it might even be harder to lose them, given that now I have a lot of practice.

There is a quote that I really like for this situation: "People are in your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime." (I don't know who said it.) I don't think putting people in boxes is as comforting as my identification with the spirit of it. I know that there are just times when you have to let people go.

salivation...

2009-07-21T12:18:00.002-05:00

I'm getting kind of excited about this. I can never afford to go to all these restaurants, but two weeks out of the year it is only splurging instead of completely unreasonable.

The plan:
Sunday: Capitol City Chophouse with Lindsay and Patrick
Monday: Family's choice with Mom and Kristen
Tuesday: Samba Brazilian Grill with Kevin
Wednesday: Ocean Grill with Jan
Thursday: Harvest (!) with ?
Friday: Osteria Papavero with the crew from wine-tasting.

Towards the end of a chapter...

2009-07-07T12:17:00.002-05:00

I've got a great summer job. I work for Access Community Health Centers, 40 hours/week, as an Enrollment Specialist. Essentially, I help low-income people get health insurance. It's very rewarding and I am almost earning some actual money, which is very nice given the state of the economy. It's also nice to get the 9-5 bug out of me. I have often thought that it would be great to only have to work 40 hours per week. And it is. I leave my work at the door (except for when I spread the news of the new health insurance program to all the low-income folks I know out there. Check it out!). I enjoy a regularity of schedule and having lists of tasks that can easily be completed and checked off. But I am getting a little bored, and I think that come the end of July I will be more bored. Which will be great, because it means I will want to head back to school in fall. I have often worried about jumping right into the PhD, because it means a lot of work, and a life-style that doesn't change much from being a student. Even if I get a faculty position or something, I will always be working hard, and my work will be with me everywhere. It's all going to be about learning the next thing, reading and knowing a lot, and competing with others in the field (in a way), and I am sure I won't stop doing things that are important to me in addition.

In the evenings, I mostly hang out with people: Jan, Nick, Chandra, Scott and Emily, my housemates, Clare, Julie, Kevin, even the old D&D group, Avi and Alexa, Ari, Kathy, all sorts of folks. If you are reading this: I hope I get to see you all before I leave. I am getting a chance to do the socializing I wished I could have done for the past five years, and it's exhausting. I have awesome antics worth recording practically every night. I am going to just enjoy this while it lasts, because I know that soon I will be mostly alone in a giant city that I do not know at all.

When I left for Madison, I did not really feel like I had a home. The place where I lived, yes, but my home had been the biology lab on the second floor of Cooper, and that hadn't been home for several months, not since my graduation. The city itself felt home-like to me, but I think that really meant I felt at home behind the wheel of my car. I felt very lost my first year in Madison, but then I was so fortunate to discover my niche, and through it, meet hundreds of amazing people. I have developed so much as a person, and part of that has been having a steady place to anchor me as my home, the Phoenix Co-op. I find that I will miss everything about it, from the house meetings that can last hours, to the spontaneous way in which the remodeling/spring-cleaning spirit will catch on and the house will change. I will miss the unique and precise sensation of coming home, the few steps and the noise of the gate, the small exhalation that comes when I enter my garden and feel safe (!), searching for one of the two keys that will let me in the heavy old front door, the push open, and then the sound of the door closing combined with the gentle air-pressure change from the sudden shutting and the impulse to catch the door before it slams. The atmosphere change, from outside to in. The sight of the foyer, possibly some of my housemates, the huge living room with all the natural light streaming in, looking up at the decorative plates and faces or the ornate rail of the spiral staircase. This is my home. For the first time in my life I am not in a hurry to leave.

The one for Jessi

2009-07-07T12:16:00.003-05:00

(Note: this post is from like the first week in June)

I'm working an awful lot considering I don't have a paying job. Since I got back from that whole ridiculous thing that you can read about in my two previous posts, I have spent a lot of time in the MCC Office catching up on my Accounts Payable work for the house. I have also spend a lot of time at Sex Out Loud finishing up the last minute preparations for some info we need to submit before the end of the fiscal year. It's not that bad, considering I don't actually have a job, but I wish I were taking more time to enjoy myself.

Yesterday I finished up a few more things in the Sex Out Loud office, and then when to the Social Justice Center (to support, please go here) for a board meeting. After that, Kathy and I went out to lunch. We had planned on going to Mickey's, a fun tavern/restaurant on the near-east side, one of my favorite areas (right in between Wil-Mar and Atwood, actually), but they are only open for lunch on the weekends, so we went to Wong's nearby. Then we both went back to the office and worked and gossiped until 5:30, and then decided to grab dinner at the Weary Traveler, my favorite place as I'm sure you all know by now. Then we carpooled to the board meeting. It was super fun working all day with Kathy. I adore this woman.

So, last night I went to another MCC Board Meeting as the minutes taker. I get really weird and nostalgic going to these meetings, but it was nice to see that the Board is continuing to dysfunction at the same level that it did pretty much for the past 3 years. It was fun and a reasonable source of temporary employment, but after Kathy dropped me off at my car, I decided I wanted to stop by a non-local drive-through joint for a delicious cherry-lime treat. So I drove all the way over there and when I pulled up to the menu to order, I realized that they were giving away free root beer floats. Here is my free root beer float:

Obviously they were giving them away in order to market their company, so in order to share the appreciation of the free float and still foil their plan I've intentionally left out their name to keep them anonymous.

But a root beer float is not a cherry-limeade. So...

I also bought a cherry limeade
Obviously this is why I'm round. And an idiot. Mmm...cherry-limeade.

Vacation madness

2009-06-04T16:20:00.012-05:00

So I went on this vacation thingy.

First the twin and I drove to Milwaukee. Then we got on a plane (run by a terrible airline which I recommend avoiding), and flew to Atlanta. Then we ran across the Atlanta airport and got on another plan and flew to San Juan. In San Juan we rented a car and drove all over the ghetto looking for the fancy hotel for our conference, thanks to the inefficacy of Google maps (or any map, really, when it comes to Puerto Rico). Several hours and a number of phone calls later, we made it to the hotel and collapsed into exhaustion in our really nice hotel room.

The next day we wandered around ineffectually until we found a beach. It is unnamed on any map I have been able to find, but it was named there in PR. Go figure. It seems very much like the island to have a perfectly serviceable beach in a tourist area with no indication outside of actually being there that it exists at all. We swam for about 3.5 hours, stopping for sunscreen and to kick at pigeons, and didn't even come out during the brief rain (rain+ocean=wet). As we went back to the hotel to check in for our conference, we realized we were really burnt. The registration time was only for another 30 minutes, so we went and registered in our swimsuits and towels. It was funny because all of the other folks there were in a big group and wearing nice suits or at the least business casual. And we were burned and smelling of the ocean. Ah well.

After registration we showered and changed and went to dinner. We split up and met different folks. I met Ramon and Regina, both of whom were very nice. After the dinner and the speeches and presentations, a Puerto Rican dance group came and explained some of the history of the island a performed a variety of dances. They danced the Plena, Seis, Danza (a slower, waltz-like dance), and my favorite, La Bomba, a dance that grew out of the influence of African slaves on the island. It has drummers and dancers, and the drummers respond to the dancers' movements in different ways. At the end they had about 70% of this room dancing and clapping with them, in a long line throughout the space. It was great, and completely unexpected.

Later that night Kristen retired, but they had sponsored a dance on a boat that took us out and around the bay. I danced for a few hours with McNair Scholars from all over Puerto Rico and the rest of the States. As groups go they were hesitant, but my slip-hop impressed them enough to work into the inside of some serious circles, and Ramon and Regina insisted on teaching me to dance to salsa rhythms, which I have learned are fun.

The next day the twin and I found breakfast at La Bombanera, a local place with great food and delicious-looking bakery. I worked on my presentation and did a bunch of errands that afternoon. That evening we wandered around Old San Juan and shopped a bit, and then met up with the group to check out this great graphic art show, called the 2da Trienal Poli/Gráfica de San Juan - América Latina y el Caribe. It was phenomenal. As you can see from the website there was a lot of great stuff. A show on violence, one on money, a lot of great critical work there. I'm still taking it all in, but the end of it was a lot of participant-based art work. I got to leave an etching, and I chose for mine to say "A veces ha perdido mi pedazo de la revolucion en todo el silencio." Or something very much like that. The grammar seems wrong now, but it seemed right while I was surrounded by Spanish. That night I should have worked more on my presentation (I stole the compu from Kristen to do it), but I ended up going to bed early. The next morning I got up at 7 and finished my presentation, which I gave at 10. Kristen's poster was from 8-10, so I missed that (sad face), but she said she didn't mind. My presentation was small, but several people attended to hear me and said they liked it and asked lots of questions, so I feel like it was successful. Which is good.

That afternoon, we trekked over the El Yunque, the only US National Forest that is also a rainforest. We hiked all over the park, but it was very rainy (well, ok, should have seen that one coming), so we didn't get many pictures on the new camera I bought on the way (the cheapest one that Kmart offered...but it works very nicely), and left earlier than I would have liked. Here are a few shots of the rain forest. I wish I would have gotten more. That evening we planned on swimming in the pool and finishing up any errands that required the internet. The internet was only available at the pool, not in our rooms, so imagine our disappointment when we went to the pool and found that it was locked due to the weather. We spent the evening on a bench in the ladies locker room next to the pool, freezing and giggling and emailing 101 places in New York and telling them they had to call me because I wouldn't have internet for the next few days.

The next morning we finished up with the internets, packed up and checked out. We grabbed breakfast and pastries at the same cute joint, and then trekked around Old San Juan souvenier-shopping (yes, Jessi, I have a little something for you that I think you might like) and looking at the beautiful architecture. In the afternoon, we almost got attacked by pigeons and went to see the Bodies exhibit, which was awesome, but not for those with weak stomachs. We had a late lunch at a great Caribbean place called Raices, and finally headed out of town. We drove through to Arecibo and stopped at a place that Kristen remembered from last summer, and drove the last few hours in the dark to our hostel. It was good that we had called ahead, because the office closed at 8 and they had to hide our keys somewhere since we were arriving late. The hostel room was very nice: our own beds, air conditioning, our own bathroom, and a lock on the door: what else could you want for $25/person/night. The service was great and we only had another person in our room for 2 of the 4 nights. Her name was Vivia and she was hiking and surfing her way around the island. And she didn't complain about the snoring at all.

The next day we went to Strella beach for a walk, but it seemed too steep and rough to swim. Then we went to a secret beach that Kristen knows about and swam around a lot. We also checked out some neat sink holes that she knew of from last summer. We had roasted pig and coco frio (a coconut hacked open and the milk diluted with cold water. It was delicious and enormous. We have many ridiculous pictures of this silly thing.

That night we drove to La Parguera (off of Lajas), just like last year, and visited the bioluminescent bay. This time we didn't get nearly as lost, and the trip was so much fun, just like last time. The small town that always seems to be having a huge festival, the $6 boat ride tickets, the improvised parking, the crowds of people of all ages, the food and the crafts and the beer, waiting in line with hundreds of people and their annoying children, everyone happy, or drunk, or excited, the boat appearing out of the darkness, the rapidity of everyone pouring on, the colors! the contemplative boat ride in the warm air with some stars peeking through, the lonely quietness of leaving the shore behind, the islands rising ominously in the dark, the tiny stars flying by under the water, the quick turn and the cut of the engine and the lights, the rushed and mumbled spanish description of the bay, the bucket of water with its pinpricks of light, the delighted children, and suddenly the splash of the crew jumping in and the roar of the crowd as they see his ghostly outline in the water, so softly bright and so ephemeral, the suspense and aching anticipation suddenly rushing to a head in flat out wonder. The desire and fear of the dark water lit with soft, sudden lights. And then dropping ladder and clambering wet seamen, the applause, the screamingly loud engine after the silent awe, the rushing spraying force driving you back to the reality, to others, to less wonderous and more bright things.

This is the one bit I don't even try to capture on film. It's impossible.

We coast back to Rincon high on caffeine and an undefinable joy, and are rocked to sleep by the waves.

What else is there? More beaches, the joy and pain of snorkeling for hours, going out far further than we would dare alone and burning all along our legs and backs. Driving around the whole island and getting stuck in the heights of Yuco, stopping for scenic shots throughout the mountains, getting eaten alive by mosquitos and rediscovering Kristen's glasses at the least ocean-y ocean I've ever been in. Seeing hundreds of beautiful fish and sea urchins and shrimp and skittering crawling swimming beautiful things. The absolute animosity I harbor for Delta (I encourage everyone to boycott Delta and NWA, if possible, and fly with anyone else) after they lied about check-in time and made me buy a new ticket.

There's so much more: staying with Avi's amazingley artistic grandparents in NY, apartment hunting, meeting the very cool guy that I almost subletted an apartment from and talking about housing politics in NYC with him. All the weird and awesome co-opers at Ganas. The S.I. Ferry and the housing office at CUNY and riding the train all over Queens and the fabulous Spanish bakery that I will force my the one sister that really likes baked goods to go to. Wondering lost in Jackson Heights and being assisted by Catholic school children. All the art and people and public transportation I could want...I am so excited to move there, even though I will miss my home.

Photos to come, once I fix the camera situation.

And now I'm blogging...

2009-05-20T15:41:00.005-05:00

At the rooftop pool of the Sheraton in Old San Juan. Photos of our view.

Long posts don't deserve sexy titles

2009-05-10T13:37:00.005-05:00

Well. I have two papers, one project, and an exam left in my undergraduate career. No classes. That's the weirdest feeling of all.

Last weekend I didn't post because I locked myself in my house all weekend (and off of the internet) so that I could finish writing my thesis. I finished it after 4 solid days of revisions (it's 37 pages long right now, the longest, most detailed and thought-out thing I have ever written). I emailed it to my research mentor after months of her pushing me and me failing to respond like a mature, reasonable individual. I just couldn't send it out until I felt better about it, but it took me months to feel ok with it.

I think she liked it. Anyway, I've had such a good past week because I've finished. On Monday I finished my play. On Tuesday I had a day full of classes, but I applied for 4 jobs during my 2.5 hour-long lecture that afternoon, and I got my final papers back for Women's Studies and the absolutely lousy one that I was sure I would get an F on was only a BC. And that is something I can work with.

Tuesdays are really long, from 8 am until 7 pm, usually. This one was no exception, but I was also crashing violently from pushing myself so hard the weekend before and not getting enough sleep (I'm getting old, I can't pull all-nighters like I used to). So, by the time 6:45 rolled around, I was feeling seriously shitty. But I went to the Union, bought some pain-killers to combat the building migraine, and ran up four flights of stairs to the Chancellor's Undergraduate Academic Awards Ceremony. You see, I was selected as the 2009 graduating woman to receive the University of Wisconsin, Madison's Herfurth-Kubly award. It was a phenomenally competitive and difficult process, and I'm super honored to have won. But honestly (and I am a more competitive person than I would like), after meeting all the other candidates I can honestly say that I was not really concerned about whether or not I would win. Because all the other people in that room were so phenomenal, it was an honor just to be amongst their company.

So anyway, I won, and a friend of mine, Rachel 3, won runner-up, and I had gotten to know the guys that won first place and runner-up (David and John). And I was feeling sort of sad and lonely, being that my two guests didn't show up because they were busy or had emergencies, and that my one in-town family member was studying. And then they made us stand in line to receive our awards, after the several hundred Hilldale and Bookstore scholarship winners. Which means I was in line with my fellow Herfurth-Kubly scholars for a long time, and we got a little goofy, and I wasn't lonely anymore. We managed to get our shit together in time to not make total fools out of ourselves. And at the reception I wasn't with family so I got to chat with Julie and Michael for quite a while about details of their lives. They're very interesting people.

That evening I got a cup of espresso, and sat at ER's out-door patio, sipping espresso and talking on the phone to lots of people that I care for. First my sister, then my other sister, then the Kathy, then Jan, then Erica, then one of the sisters again, then Annie, then Clare, then Julie, then Kelly. Finally, I finished my tiny cup of espresso and went to the Pub for our typical Tuesday night free-foosball extravaganza. If I didn't mention it before, my housemates and I typically go out and drink cheap beer, eat free popcorn, play free foosball, and generally act all divey at this dive bar near our house. It's tons of fun. This time I was chatting with Rachel 3 and I asked her to tell me something I didn't know about her. She told me about her mother's dog, and then Jamie told about the scar he got from his STI test, and then I told a story, and then Kelly and Kevin and Julie and Clare and Don and Ari and Kathleen all joined in and all of us Phoenicians were going around in a circle telling stories or information that we'd never shared with one another before. It might have been the funnest thing I've done in a long, long time. I laughed so hard at Clare's pooping story (although I'd heard it before), and Jamie's incredibly-drunk-hospital-visit story, and I almost cried at Julie's shoe-tying story. It was just so humanizing, to learn all of these things about my housemates, some of whom (like Donald and Kevin), I've lived with for 4 years. That's a long time, yo. It eventually broke up, and we went home, but I will never forget gathering around that tiny table and laughing and laughing as Jamie re-enacted threatening the nurse with the catheter. If I had had a camera I would have already scrapped a picture of it.

Then, on Wednesday I also had a long day. I ran errands and then went to the Social Justice Center Board meeting, where, for the first time in the 3 years I have been on the Board I really felt like an integral member. I said things, folks listened to me, we communicated, work got done, I hinted that I needed a summer job, and left the meeting with some farewells and other kind words. It was sort of surreal. Then I met Kristen and we ordered our plane tickets for the conference in Puerto Rico (hooray! I leave a week from tomorrow!). We got a parking ticket by TWO minutes and I went to work. But there was only work to be avoided, not necessarily completed, so I went to pick up our supplies from A Woman's Touch, and me and a co-worker ended up doing some shopping and hanging out there for a few hours. We ran back for an interview in the afternoon, and then I ran to the Lowell Center (found great, free, street parking...hooray), and went to the McNair graduation ceremony. The twin was there (yeah!) and my mentor showed up. It was the first time I had talked to her in a long time (see above about my thesis), but it ended up working out ok. We talked about the play for a while and then suddenly the ceremony started and there really wasn't time to talk anymore. I gave a 5 minute speech thanking folks (it was supposed to be one minute...whoops, I like to talk). In fact, if you are reading this blog near the publication date, I am sure I thanked you by name in my speech (small world!). And we took some pictures and I got my fancy stole and hugged some other great scholars goodbye, and Pao made us all cry.

Then I had to run to a Board meeting. I always love Board meetings because I am a giant dork like that I got to facilitate an item, and I presented one of my items and removed the other because people didn't want to talk about it. Then I ran home, half-assed my art portfolio, and helped Clare with her last math exam ever. It was fun, because I am also a giant dork about math. There was drawing and painting involved. Too much drawing and painting. The next day was class, then work and then sad and nostalgic sandwiches with Lia and Adam. And I tried to finish up some drawings but fell asleep instead, and Mary and Michael (charming, geeky Michael) woke me up. Awkwardness ensued. Working ensued. Me turning in my portfolio and making new friends in my last class ever ensued. Me not knowing what to do and going to bed early ensued. Sleeping a lot ensued. The next day, sending in reimbursements and meeting with Maya and ordering a hotel for Puerto Rico ensued. Running errands ensued.

That evening (we are on Friday now, are you people keeping up?) we tried to grill out on my porch, but we couldn't get the grill lit (for shame). So we ended up cooking the brats in a pan on the stove and then bringing them outside to eat on the porch (relative success! although the next day they got the grill to work...). Later [Editor's note: there was emo-drama-ness here but I deleted it for your benefit. No one really wants to hear that.]

The next day, I had brunch with the twin and we finalized our plans for Puerto Rico (we are intentionally hosteling it for the first time in my life! But we've got a rental car, so who cares?) Then I went to the Bubble Extravaganza, during which I and friends and strangers and that tall, stunning gentleman from the last post blew a lot of bubbles at passersby on Library Mall. It was incredibly fun. Way more fun than I could possibly adequately describe on the blog. It was relaxing, and therapeutic, and silly, and hilarious, and competitive, and cheering, and graceful, and bubble-riffic.

And then the tall, stunning gent from the last post and I went out for coffee. In a pre-planned manner. But Jeff accidentally got invited along, which was a bit awkward, but beautiful and silly. But once Jeff left and the tall, stunning gent from the last post took me to meet some mutual friends, I think it was overall good. I said something dumb. But he still dropped me off, parked the car, turned it off, got out, and hugged me goodbye. And if I could just get over this silly ridiculous reaction I have that makes me act incredibly stupid sometimes, I know I would be charming the pants right back off of him. He wants to see me again.

And THEN (yes, there is more, two more "and thens" to be precise it has been a busy week) I went to this great bar I'd never been to before with Isaac and Natalia. I met their friends Eilee and Matt and we had a screaming good time. Two hours of spontaneous hilarity and when I leaned over to tell Natalia and Isaac that I liked their friends, they informed me that their friends had already announced their plans to kidnap me to Chicago. They were funny; I mean I totally would have not kicked too hard when being forced into the unmarked van. And then, suddenly they all had to go. I had planned my own return transportation and their Community Car was running out of time, so they left and we promised to facebook each other and I hugged these people who mere hours ago had been strangers.

It was surreal. On my return home Julie called me and invited me to the Women's Music Festival, which I had been avoiding like the swine flu. But because I am a sucker for Julie's tiny little bear sound ("mar!") I said yes, and I ended up having a great time. We saw some folks and some other folks, and Magdalene Su-Li, and Rocktapussy, which is a group that sounds like I would hate them, but instead they DJed a mean spontaneous dance party. And I danced for the last 2 hours. At the Rath Skellar at UW's Memorial Union. Of all places to dance-party it up at towards the end of my time here, I can't believe I went dancing at the Union, but I did and it was fun.

And then (last one), when I came home, my snake Mitch was gone again. And this time my cat wouldn't even go looking for him. So I reasoned that the warmest, darkest place he could be hiding in my spring-chilly room was behind the refrigerator. So I unplugged the fridge and instead plugged in and booted up my sister's laptop instead; when it's on and plugged in it gets really warm, and I didn't want to stick my hand inside an electronic. I tried to sleep, and dreamt of snakes (snakes!) and kept waking up to see if he'd moved. Finally, this morning my cat wakes up from a dead slumber and goes bolting across the room to peer behind the couch. I jump out of bed and follow him, and what do you know, Mitch is transferring from the fridge to underneath my computer. Joyous reunions abound.

And that. Is it. For real.

This is my rowdy post

2009-04-30T16:40:00.005-05:00

I shouldn't be this cheery considering all the work I need to get done!

But I had a good week last week. I had a fun time at Hair, even though the show was terrible. I mostly had fun because I got to see the portfolios of some of my favorite designers. Additionally, I got to go with the twin and she and I tried not to die together for 3 hours. I have heard from folks who were alive in the 60s that it was not just the fact that I was not around in the 60s that made me hate the show. Instead, it was the acting and direction, the absence of, oh, say, people of color for, say, that little teeny tiny part about the whole freaking civil rights movement. Anyway, that is a rant for another blog!

On Friday my work hosted Tristan Taormino. She was a ton of fun. Her talk was awesome and she gave me a free movie and book because I put so much work into hosting her. How super nice! Afterward we took her out for dinner at the Cabana Room, which was fun and quaint with obnoxious waitstaff. Tristan and her personal assistant Colten were a ton of fun and volunteered to give me advice about living in NYC next fall. Super down to earth and awesome, plus they are doing such important work!

After that late dinner, I went back to my house where a Reggae Party was in full swing. In case you didn't know, reggae is on the narrow list of music that I would prefer not to hear. But there were only a couple dozen people there, and I stayed on the porch, so I found the party tolerable. I hung out on the porch with some housemates watching a storm brew. I know I said I would relegate the descriptions of people I am lusting after to my livejournal, but I really don't write much over there any more and I just have to tell you about this gent! His name is...irrelevant...and he is tall, gorgeous, capable, brilliant, and sweet. We've been slightly more than acquaintances for the past four years, and I had always noticed that despite his huge, thick, dorky, aviator glasses he was stunningly good-looking. Well, a year or two ago a few of his close friends got together and told him that the reason he was having a hard time charming the ladies was because of his glasses. He thought about it for a few months, and then bought some super cute, trendy glasses and a SET of CONTACTS! And oh my god if he was stunning with those huge glasses let me just tell you he is drop-dead gorgeous without them. Anyway, we talked for several hours while the rest of the party whiled away around us (I even threw a smooth line at him...so smooth that I think he didn't notice). There was something so fabulously connecting about that night...watching the lightning flashing violently around us and talking quietly of the things that make us human...Needless to say I was charmed. I've been sort of floating around on that high for almost a week now.

The next day, I met my mother and twin sister for breakfast and a trip to the farmer's market. Madison has a great farmer's market, and my mother was only visiting through Saturday. We grabbed some eggs etc. at Sunprint Cafe, and then headed over to the farmer's market. In the pouring rain. During Crazy Legs. What a mistake. We made it about one block around the Square and then ran for the parking lot. We migrated towards the twin's house, dried our jeans and went apartment hunting. After checking out a few, the mom decided to head out of town, and I went back to my house to prepare for the wine tasting I was hosting. It was called WASTED: New Zealand and Australia. I provided a delicious medium-bodied Pinot Noir, and folks brought some great wines, none of which I remember (I should have saved the bottles!). Lindsay, Patrick, Emily, Scott, Sean, and Michael attended. Emily and Scott and I really hit it off and I look forward to hanging out with them more soon!

I ended the night taking a housemate, Rachel, to an...uh...adult entertainment venue for sort of her last hurrah with the house. She's leaving for a three-month sojourn through Africa and Mexico, and when she returns it will be only a few days before we both move out of the house. She and Steph 2 got very drunk, and were absolutely hilarious. They pretended to be a lesbian couple so they could share the lap dance that Rachel's boyfriend bought for her. All in all, although the....adult entertainment venue....was not really my scene, it was super fun seeing Rachel have such a good time. And there was this one woman who wasn't even a dancer at the club, who showed up and wanted to work the poles. She was a bodybuilder according to the MC, and oh my god she had muscles in places that I didn't even know they existed. I am not kidding you she blew raspberries with her vulva. It was incredible, and Rachel and Steph 2 and I almost got kicked out because we were laughing so hard we were keeping her from earning tips.

Top that!

*Update: Tristan actually sent me two free books and a movie. How cool! She's a great writer and a wonderful, down-to-earth speaker. I hope I get to see more of her soon!

Warning: Contains tourism

2009-03-31T14:42:00.006-05:00

My slump from last week might be dissipating. The weather has turned from snowy to rainy, and perhaps this and the sunshine on Sunday have started me feeling better. I think I am coming down from the high of going on vacation for Spring Break, something I haven't done since I was in middle school! Usually I work during Spring Break, but this time I got a chance to visit two of my prospective graduate schools. My twin sister and I went to New York City and I visited CUNY and NYU. Then we took a train to Philadelphia and the twin visited the University of Pennsylvania. When we flew back to Madison, the next day we drove up to Minneapolis to drop off some good old Wisconsin cheese as a surprise for our mother.

New York was amazing. I love urban areas; even though I only got to see a few parts of Manhattan, I really think I would love to live there. We had a hotel off of Union Square, which was cute. The room was on the fourth floor with no elevators, and the size of about three king beds and a bathroom. It had two twin beds, a dresser and table, and a tiny window that looked out on a tiny alley. I spent all of my savings on a ticket to see The Lion King on Broadway off of Times Square. I made Kristen stand in line for a long time to try to get discount tickets and then it ended up being that Kristen only wanted to see the Lion King and there are no discount tickets to the Lion King. She was a little upset, but it was totally worth it. The show was so beautiful; the woman who plays Rafiki has THE most amazing voice I have ever heard. The costumes and puppets were phenomenal and extravagant and huge. The problems with the Lion King are definitely more obvious on the stage, but again, something not for this blog.

We also went to the Whitney Museum of Modern Art, where I saw the brilliant Jenny Holzer exhibit PROTECT PROTECT. Can't discuss this on this blog, but I really liked it.

We went to lots of fabulous places with our gracious host Katy. A couple of favorites: The Galaxy Global Eatery, The Grey Dog, Vol De Nuit, and The Bourgeois Pig. Galaxy Global had a great Sunday brunch. Kristen got Bubba's Waffles, which was a waffle with hemp-nut gelato and a side of fried chicken. I got a fabulous frittata with straw mushrooms and chevre. The Good Dog has great breakfast; anything on the menu looked phenomenal, although we went twice for breakfast. Vol De Nuit was a Belgian beer bar that we were too tired to stay at for long. I love Belgian beers, and the atmosphere was totally worth the visit. The Bourgeois Pig was a nameless whole in the wall with a doorman who looked a little like Johnny Depp. The interior was beautiful and overdone. They had a half-price wine night on Monday and we got a Pinot Noir and a really delicious cheese plate that was too much for all three of us. Katy was such a wonderful host to us, even though we are terribly twin-like when we hang out together. She knows all of the best places to go, and was so very helpful, funny, and smart! I can't wait to see her again, this time when I am less overwrought!

We went shopping around Union Square, the Garment District and Chinatown. I bought a leather shoulder bag (actually a purse, but I refuse to admit that I bought a purse) in Chinatown for $18. There were a lot of fabulous scarves and bags. I wish I hadn't been looking for something so specific, or I would have bought some souvenirs for folks back home. Sorry Midwesterners!

In Philly, I didn't get a chance to see any of my local friends because we were only there for a short period of time. We went to Vic's Sushi Bar and went to another bar named after a dog: The Good Dog. We picked each place because of Chowhound reviews, and they were both pretty good. All the sushi (basic salmon and yellow-tail for me, california rolls for the twin) was good. The Good Dog burger was good, but as a Wisconsinite and cheese-eater I don't think it quite deserves the rave reviews it got. I think the people were more impressed by the good cheese than by anything else, and let me just tell you there could have been more or better cheese. The baked macaroni was great as well, but takes about 20 minutes for them to cook, so don't get it if you are in a hurry. It was hot, gooey, and perfectly done with a delicate crunch on top.

All in all, an exhausting trip. The day after we came back we decided to go for a spontaneous drive to Minneapolis. It was beautiful and almost warm and the entire trip up and back had this beautiful look I didn't know that Midwestern spring could have. The sky was this deep, velvety delphinium blue, and the hills on the horizon were a light, misty sky blue. The fields we were driving past were filled with the husks of last year's growth, sun-bleached almost white-blonde. The wind and the temperature and the loneliness and the sadness of the temporariness of life all created this beautiful atmosphere that I just couldn't get enough of. Maybe that's why I was so depressed last week. I know change is coming. And I am sad to let things go.

Sad

2009-03-29T22:18:00.003-05:00

I have been sad lately. I don't know why. I have been grouchy and lonely and miserable, and am probably making my nearest and dearest pretty unhappy.

I've been working 50-55 hours/week, and am very behind with school. I have so so so many things to do...

Updates

2009-03-06T16:45:00.002-06:00

Things are wonderful in Madison. Last night it was so beautiful that Kelly, Steph, Clare and I sat on the porch swing and drank beer and played the four-headed storyteller. It was hilarious.

I had a chill/productive day. I went to the Writing Center on campus, and they helped me jump start the script I am supposed to be writing. I went to work for a few hours, and then went home and cleaned the kitchen and took one of the dogs for a walk along the lakeshore. Now I am at one of my favorite coffee shops, drinking mediocre espresso and anticipating the evening ahead.

The weather is beautiful, and I will soon go sit on my porch swing and hang out in the sunshine until grabbing some dinner with the twin and going to see the UT's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Then I am going to go out and find somewhere to dance/drink/party, probably starting with visiting Laura at the Essen Haus...she's in town from the Bay!

Then tomorrow I am working at the Seed Fair out at our garden plot...what a sign of spring! I can't wait to work in our garden! Then I am spending the afternoon prepping for a trip to Ithaca, and going to see Cloud 9 with Lindsay in the evening. I plan on ending the night at Ofek at their Purim party where I will once again unsuccessfully try to get in everyone's pants. Just kidding. Ofek parties are GREAT!

More later! Love

31 fractures: 11-31

2009-01-23T10:27:00.009-06:00

AUTHOR'S NOTE (3/5/09):
All in all this was an interesting project. Some reunions were heartfelt and amazing and life-changing, some token and awkward and weird, some totally non-existent, and a few cold and cruel. So blogging about these experiences was much more time-demanding than I expected. I did some as I went along, and some merely lodged in my brain and never got transcribed for the benefit of my one reader. Sorry, reader, I am giving you a summary list. Please feel free to contact me if you wish to know the gritty details.

1/11: Aunt Judy

My aunt Judy is my mother's sister. She's very nice but I know so little about her. I know my siblings and I were very obnoxious children, so I understand that it is difficult for us to communicate. I hope to acquire a better relationship with her now that I am an adult. I sent her the following message:

"Hi Aunty Judy,

It has been too long. I miss you very much. Sorry, I know I am bad at keeping in touch, apply the usual excuses of being busy here. I am almost done here and hope to be moving on soon. Once I find out what is going on I will let you know.

I am applying to Ph.D. programs in Theatre around the States etc. I'm applying to the following schools: Columbia, Northwestern, Cornell, Brown, UC Berkeley, Florida State, York, Royal Holloway, UM Twin Cities, CUNY and NYU. I am hoping for Northwestern or Columbia. Again, I'll keep you posted.

I was hoping to come and visit you before I move out of the state. I really haven't seen much of you, and I miss you very much. Thank you so much for the Christmas gift. I really appreciate it; I applied it directly to my rent this month, which was super sweet.

I am glad you and the rest of America picked the right candidate this fall. I am already excited about what I hear Obama saying, and I could talk about the complexity of his politics for a long, long time. If you let me go off.

How is work? And life? I am getting into crafting as well, but I am not talented enough to go into quilting. Instead I knit and sew and do a little scrapbooking. Jessi got me into all this, so my interests tend to follow hers.

I adopted a cat. He's a trouble-maker named Gilgamesh. He is enormous and has thumbs and escapes from my room into the rest of the house all the time.

Please write back and let me know how you are, even though I am terrible at communication.

With very much love,

Me"

1/12: Holly Pierson
1/13: Nick M.
1/14: Sonja
1/15: Nick A.
1/16: Clare
1/17: Claire
Warning: SOME CONTENT REALLY BELONGS ON MY OTHER BLOG

Hey Claire,

How are you? It's been a long time. I'm applying to two graduate schools in Toronto; are you still there?

A long time ago you asked me if I agreed with the lyric "It's society that makes a nigger wanna kill." And I said no and had some stupid, poorly informed opinion. I wanted you to know that I've changed my mind.

I hope you are well.

Me

1/18: Stephanie
1/19: Molly

Molly was also on the NASCO Board with me. She was my mentor when I first joined, and then one time we carpooled to Ann Arbor together. She is super amazing.

I sent her the following and hope to hear from her soon:
"I miss you! How are you? Still hanging around Illinois? I might be moving to the Chicago area soon..."

1/20: Aunty Helen
1/21: David
1/22: C. J.
1/23: Leah
1/24: Jan
1/25: Lauren Allen
1/26: Katy
1/27: Zhifei
1/28: Jen
1/29: Namita
1/30: Kyle
1/31: Joe

31 fractures: 10

2009-01-21T11:21:00.002-06:00

1/10: Ginger

Ginger acted with me in Women's Minyan last spring. She's great, and I hadn't seen her in a long time. I sort of knew she'd been having a rough time of it so I dropped her a line.

"Just checking in. How are you? I hope things are well and that your semester wrapped up alright. Hope the new year is starting out awesome..."

She responded, but I don't think anything is going to happen.
"Hey girl. Thanks for the message. Things are good, getting ready to go. Just had surgery though so my tummy's in a little pain. How goes things yonder your direction?
Lets hang out before I leave. Free anytime next week?
xxx"

I hope she's well. Progress posted.

31 fractures: 9

2009-01-11T13:11:00.003-06:00

1/9: Kevin

Not the same Kevin I referenced for 1/8, this Kevin and I met at a bar for the farewell party of a mutual friend who was leaving for Americorps. He was amazing: tall, dark, handsome, and intelligent enough to question the western imperialist implications of the Peace Corps. We started casually chatting and within a minute or two he told me that he had just returned from his Peace Corps service (I wish I could remember where). I had already had a few drinks talking with Peter about a community farm he was planning on starting, and I suppose that was evident from my lack of reserve. Because as soon as he mentioned the Peace Corps I casually brought up my concerns about it. Totally rude of me, I know, that's like asking a war vet you just met how many people the vet has killed in their lifetime or something. But I was concerned about the PC, and I was concerned that no one in Madison seemed to be concerned about the PC, ya dig? To my surprise, however, instead of producing an immense amount of awkwardness with this incredibly good-looking pseudo-stranger, he replied something along the lines of "I know, I'm trying to work through that." Then we proceeded to talk for the next 2.5 hours (and several beers) about this stuff. That could have been the best spontaneously-averted-foot-in-mouth moment of my life! We agreed to meet sometime without alcohol to talk further. That's when he gave me his girlfriend's home phone number. Because, you know, they were living together so you could get a hold of him just fine. I remember the feeling of the "Dammit!" at that moment, and how I gracefully made a few inquiries about her without showing my disappointment (or, at least the beer convinced me this was so). We left, and I hadn't called him yet. But really, I was being unfair. This guy had total inteligencia network potential: super smart, sj-oriented, everything. And I couldn't really fault him for being all living-with-the-girlfriend. I just needed a few months for the sting to wear off.

So, on Friday I called him. I left him a message that fit in perfectly with the feel of our first meeting: awkward.

It ran something like this:
"Hi Kevin, this is [] you probably don't remember me but we met at Sarah's going-away party. Yeah I'm applying to grad schools about now and I know we talked about getting together sometime to talk about things, so let's do it before I leave town. Haha. You can reach me at []."

Yeah, call me back in the next, idunno, 6-8 months? Kthxbai.

Yeesh.

31 fractures: 8

2009-01-11T13:00:00.002-06:00

1/8: Stephanie

Stephanie used to live in my house. She is part of what I originally considered "the old guard," a group of people who made the house what it was when I moved in. She was the best wj coordinator we ever had. I didn't know her well until probably the summer before she moved out. I was slowly moving up to the third floor, and her room was next to mine. She was very nice and friendly, and eventually sold me her almost-new queen bed and bedding for $20. $20, people. It's a great bed, and I got super lucky (no pun intended) with it. Anyway, towards the end of her time in the house she, Kevin and I started engaging in a particularly nerdy pastime together, along with a few other mutual friends. She has a great sense of humor, and I really enjoyed getting to hang out with her. After a while, though, I dropped out of our nerdy pastime because I was too busy. I have seen her at parties or here and there, but it seems like we are pretty much through.

On Thursday I invited her to the Essen Haus with some other mutual friends. We used to go for their 1/2 price boot night. We got a chance to catch up over some beers (no boot though, they've switched to plastic and we couldn't handle the change), and she reminded me how great she is. She is very crafty, and she had made me a bar of soap for the holidays (she makes excellent soap, magnets, all sorts of cute stuff...I want to suck her into to scrapbooking...) All in all we had a good evening, although I was (as usual) intimidated as hell by her. She's so together and clean and organized I feel like a kid every time we hang out, not because she is condescending, but because I feel like I have nothing that is remotely interesting to her to talk about. But we are going out dancing next weekend (for '80s night at the Inferno), and maybe that will give me a chance to feel more comfortable around her. I'll keep you posted. Really. It's just hard not having functional internet right now.

31 fractures: 7

2009-01-09T19:43:00.002-06:00

1/7: Eldridge

Eldridge and I met when I used to work at the library. He was a fun patron and we immediately hit it off. We became fb friends and then, once I quite, I never saw him again...until Wednesday when I ran into him at a different library as I filled out grad school applications.

He is applying to grad school right now too, for journalism. We exchanged phone numbers. I hope he calls...

31 fractures: 6

2009-01-09T19:25:00.003-06:00

1/6: Ashley

Ashley and I used to hang out in high school, for better or for worse. I had no ability to think for myself, really, in high school, so I don't know what she saw in me, but I guess I was probably funny. I am usually funny. I remember that she was cool and that she liked Blink 182. We would listen to a lot of music together, and hang outside the cheapy cinema (why? I don't know).

I was sort of worried at a point that she would become one of my friends that didn't finish high school, but when I discovered her on fb the other day I realized that she is in community college now, so she must have. Awesome!

Here's my message to her (during my brief period of internet time at a local cafe in that one city where I have no internet access...who knew they limit these things to 15 minutes now-a-days?!):

"I took one look at that picture...damn girl you haven't changed a bit. I finally got a brain and a life of my own. One semester left of jumping through hoops and I get that little piece of paper that says someone should pay me some money. After that it is...jumping through giant flaming hoops of my own creation...but you know...

How are you? What are you going to school for? I'm glad to see you alive and well. What's going on in your life?"

You are all in luck that I am so far behind in writing about this, because she's responded! Hooray! Here's her response. It sounds like she has gotten things together since high school, which is a good sign, considering how most of my friends end up...:
"Hey sweetie! Geez...I am beyond proud of you for how far you've gotten. Of course, I had always known you were going to be fabulous after high school! Congrats! I have changed-haha-but unfortunately, I am anti-digital camera or something like that!? I dunno...
So I had to go through a lot to get to where I am now. I had to jump through flaming hoops, and so forth, but I am doing a lot better than I was in high school. I am going to school for 2-years at []for Liberal Arts/[] and then hopefully, by the good grace of God, I can transfer to my dream school: UW-Madison. I am not sure what I want to study yet but I have about 2 years to figure that out of course. I was working, but lost my job so now I have been actively searching for new employment. Unfortunately, so are millions of other people-ugh. Otherwise just living life and enjoying it the best that I can. What have you been up to? I know you went to school and all that good stuff but what else?:)"

Update (me):

"I've mostly been studying. I finally made up my mind; I'm going to grad school for my PhD in Theatre after this (if I get accepted and get money, that is...cross your fingers). I don't know where I am going yet, but I will keep you posted. Really, it has just been work, school, and learning the limits of my alcohol tolerance with some cats in []. I am really involved in the social justice movement in []and nationally, and I hope to do work in social justice and theatre. I wish I could say I met the love of my life, won the lottery, or got some great award, but it is just little old life for little old (single) me. How about you? I've thought of you often throughout the years, and I am super glad to hear that you are well and in school. If you come to [] before I am gone, we should definitely get together."

31 fractures: 5

2009-01-08T20:50:00.007-06:00

1/5: Farheen

Farheen and I met on the Board of NASCO a few years ago. She's a brilliant and inspirational person. I am absolutely blown-away by how amazing, ambitious, and together she is. She refuses to let anything stand in the way of her dreams. I aspire to have such a great attitude and capacity for hard work. If you think I work a lot, the amount of work she puts in makes me look like a total slacker.

The last time we met was about 10 pm on one evening in the middle of August. My sister and I were on the way out of town, but stopped at her place for a cup of tea first, and stayed for a few hours. My sister talked with her daughter, and she and I talked about all sorts of things. She reminded me to keep doing what I am trying to do, despite the difficulties; she is an amazing mentor.

This time, I was spontaneously in her town for one night, and I ended up waiting for her at a local community center, where she was meeting her girl scouts to "talk about cookies." (As a side note, it's a totally great community center, packed with high-schoolers playing basketball, middle-schoolers in the computer lab, and kids of all ages running around, having fun, or studying. Additionally, various adults come for meeting, volunteering, or community events. It is packed. It is obviously meeting a need in the community. I wish I had a place like that to go to, growing up.)

I was very nervous; I'm miserable at keeping in touch with people, and I was worried about what to say or do. How do you catch up with someone when the thing you have in common is gone (except for our similar political beliefs)? I first saw her daughter, who was studying with a group from school when I first got there. We only vaguely remembered each other, but she was very polite. I went through their school-age library, and found a ton of old books that I had read when I was much younger. Its strange how going back to that city takes me back to when I was a kid.

When Farheen showed up she was very glad to see me. We spent a little bit of time catching up, but she had to get to her girl scouts and I had to head to a meeting. However, she is as kind and wonderful as ever. She promised to bring her girl scouts (well, at least herself and maybe her girl scouts) to my play in the spring. While I am glad to see her, I know that we will both continue to be very busy. I hope that when we are in the same town we can get together for tea or coffee and catching up, and in the meantime that we can continue to trade strategies and ideas. She is absolutely brilliant and amazing, and I continue to be inspired by what she does.

It's sort of sad, though. I hope that sometime we'll find time to be part of each others' lives, a bit more than just being parts of the same network working towards...well, that's for the other blog.

31 fractures: 4

2009-01-08T18:34:00.004-06:00

I've returned from my hiatus from the internet. Don't worry, I kept up with my project while I was gone. You just didn't get to hear about it.

1/4: Jon

Jon and I have a long history. I don't know if he officially counts as someone lost, but our communication has been falling off a lot lately. Jon was my biology teacher, then my employer for a while, and now we email each other every once in a while. We've both always been pretty bad at communicating with one another, and kept ourselves pretty busy. But he is also the person who taught me to be kind and considerate, to pay attention to the world, to begin to think on my own and challenge the brain-washing of my upbringing, to not be self-centered, to be socially conscious, that the work of an individual can do more than just help that individual but also help others, to be conscious of my environmental impact, that even difficult projects and ideas and conceptions are quite within my power, how to solve challenging and complex problems by beginning with and working from what I know...the list goes on. Let's sum it up: he's pretty important.

That being said, I am pretty disappointed with my inability to keep in touch with him. He's been incredibly supportive, even though I have abandoned the sciences for the arts (of all things), and his son is the first kid I have ever liked enough to spend time with. Children and I usually do not get along. On the other hand, I was a pretty fucked up kid, so I can understand why he might be weirded out by me. Hell, I would be weirded out by my high-school age self. I would be hard pressed to keep from slapping myself silly. I can only look back and sigh with relief that at least I am not that bad anymore.

Anyway, here's my attempt at reconnection [some information omitted for privacy, if there is such a thing]. I'll keep you updated of his response:

Hey Jon et al.,

I don't suppose you remember a discussion we had in your classroom probably about 5 years ago :) where I mentioned that I felt more comfortable outside my comfort zone, that I felt trapped by the feeling of things being the same. Since I learned the theory of liminality, I've always felt this was a great way to describe what I was trying to articulate back then. I am once again in a liminal space, personally, after several years of a sort of complacency, and suddenly I feel a lot better. It's sort of the joy that comes from staying on top of the giant ball: it's easier when it's moving.

I'm sorry I missed you all over the holidays, once again. I hope you and yours had a fabulous holiday season, and that this year once again promises to be the best year yet.

The holidays were really stressful for me. My mom's always acted like a child, and, while I am grateful that she seems to have advanced from the dependent stage to the teenager stage, she is still in the teenager stage. I remember myself as a teenager: I was totally intolerable. It's going pretty rough, and I am pretty upset by it. I'm at a point where I either give up any chance of having a real relationship with her and cut her off emotionally, or continue to put myself through major psycho-emotional trouble every time I talk to her. Any advice on dealing with immature parents very welcome.

Other than that, things are going well in Madison. I am in the midst of applying to graduate schools. In case you are interested, here's a list of schools to which I am applying:
[]

(In rough order of preference; it depends on how much money they offer me). It's quite a list. I wouldn't be able to do it without the McNair Scholars program, which is awesome. Other than applying for grad schools everything is relatively tame. I hope to graduate in spring, and I'm taking my last batch of classes. I'm still trying to get into Drawing I, but if I can't get into that I'll take introductory Food Science. I'm also on the second semester of my second senior honors thesis (this time in theatre), my last backstage laboratory class, African-American Women's Activism in the 19th and 20th centuries, and costume technology (another theatre requirement). All in all, it looks like a pretty good semester. If I don't get into the U of MN I will be coming to visit once or twice before I move further away, so we should get together for coffee or something sometime.

I am also working as the Project (Budget/Finance) Coordinator for Sex Out Loud, a student organization that promotes healthy sexuality through sex-positivite education and activism on campus. It's cool, and (mostly) it pays pretty well. It is much better than my job in the computer lab because my skills are valuable and my boss is less passive-aggressive. I have a lot of experience in financial stuff, which is really helpful for them. The older I get the more I realize two things: 1) I have no patience for petty political machinations or passive-aggressiveness and 2) how fast time goes by. I can't believe that Duncan will be 6 this spring (correct me if I'm wrong) and that I've just about finished my bachelor's.

Some other good news: I am finally stepping down as President of []. For the first time in almost three years I will have my Wednesday and Thursday evenings free. I'm very excited. Instead, I am working on a local campaign for our City Council district (my political ambitions still haven't disappeared, even though I'm fully committed to get my PhD). I was originally planning on taking a semester easy, but I am sure that's impossible for me. What would I do with all that free time now that the garden is frozen over?

I've adopted a cat, named Gilgamesh after the gent in this nerdy comic. The cat is wonderfully strange and attention-greedy. Usually I like to keep a spontaneous schedule, never really where people imagine that I should be, but he keeps me coming home every night to feed and pay attention to him. I have yet to decide if that is a good thing.

I'm afraid I'm getting terribly domestic. I hope I haven't bored you too much. Please send me an update and pass my greetings on to all the important people. You know.

Yours,

[]

--
"If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is tied up with mine, then let us work together." Lilla Watson

31 fractures: 3

2009-01-04T10:49:00.002-06:00

A shorter one yesterday:

1/3: Karren
How serendipitous. Karren is a former housemate of mine. She only moved up the street, but even living with her I felt like I wasn't making enough of a commitment to her as a friend, always being too busy to really take some time with her. I think she is much happier in her current home. Yesterday I was at the coffee shop finishing up an application when I saw her walk by. She waved, and I waved back, but she kept going. About an hour later I was still there when she returned. She stopped in briefly (she was in a hurry to meet some people), but we shared a hug, a quick update, and the desire to see one another again. She offered me an invitation to her house, which I told her I would accept. I will have to post more later.

31 fractures: 2

2009-01-03T19:01:00.002-06:00

1/2: Iulia

Iulia was my first friend at college, and one of my very few friends from freshman year. We worked in the same lab together, and subsequently bonded over the long nights finishing experiments, Dragostea din tei, and our shitty boss. We hung out together on and off as she finished up her degree, and then I became the ultimate shitty friend and just sort of fell out of touch. She moved to Philidelphia for graduate school and I stayed in town. I'd send her a message and not hear back, six months later she would do the same. Finally, she wrote on my wall and I replied with my phone number. She called me and I actually answered and we set up plans to meet in Milwaukee on Saturday. But suddenly Friday night she called me up to let me know to cancel my plans on Saturday because she and her roommate Kasia were going to come and visit me...in the next few hours! They were already on their way. When they showed up on my doorstep I scrounged up some housemates and we all went out to Wando's for fishbowls, just like old times (ask them about Gil sometime...). Then we went to the Karaoke Kid, where we sang some Louie Armstrong, Tina Turner, and Yeah Yeah Yeahs. We eventually headed back to the house and played Rock Band until 4 in the morning, and they crashed on my downstairs couches. All in all a fun reunion. Iulia is so sweet, she completely forgave me for missing her birthday party last year and generally not keeping in touch very well. We have plans to visit again in February, in Philly this time.

31 fractures: 1

2009-01-02T19:43:00.009-06:00

Inspired by Morgan, who introduced me to the 5th annual FUN-A-DAY Project, please welcome 31 fractures.

1/1: Steve.
The event: I got the idea for this project when Steve showed up at my doorstep yesterday (January 1st). Steve used to eat at our house, and we bonded over the general talk of the "academia-lite" (aka: art, music, politics, economics) as well as our similarly shitty jobs at non-profits. He was a great guy, although awkward and nerdy, and I harbored a fancy for him one summer over a year ago now. A lot of folks from the house used to go to the Angelic (before it closed) on Tuesday nights in the summer for great drink specials, and Steve would come along with the crowd. Last year Steve took a job at a public radio in Colorado, and since then I would only hear from him sporadically on facebook. Yesterday, however, Steve rang my doorbell right in the middle of a small get together I was having: fire lit, wine and champagne flowing, talking and laughing and playing games. Within a minute Steve had a beer and was catching up with some folks he used to know when he lived in town. We all got a little happy, and when Kelly showed up I could tell she and Steve had some chemistry. By 1 am I managed to chase everyone else away and convince Kelly and Steve to sit up and watch the fire until it went out. I'm optimistic...

Reflections: It was interesting to reexplore an old relationship like this. Steve and I fell back into old habits almost immediately, but we were both glad to see each other, so it wasn't weird. I almost always appreciate spontaneity, and this evening proved to me once again that the more I plan things, the more they go awry. Steve and I will probably communicate slightly more over the internet for a while, and perhaps keep in touch if I go to school in Florida (where he is living now), but I don't expect a long-term friendship. I like the adage "People are in your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime," and I will probably use it a lot. My friendship with Steve is definitely a "season" kind of relationship, and while it was good to revisit it for nostalgia's sake, I am content leaving it there.

Another stolen fun thingy instead of a real post

2009-01-01T16:21:00.006-06:00

I stole this from the one sis. (As a side note I can't believe I am posting this at my kitchen table, thanks to a fabulous housemate fanagaling the internet. Yes I just made that word up.)

1. What did you do in 2008 that you had never done before?
Shaved my head

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never keep them. This year I am setting goals instead.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, Julie and her husband Todd gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Miles. What a great name, and a sweet kid, for a great couple.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Kathy's partner just passed away quite tragically, and my heart is aching for her. Personally, I am strangely fortunate to have only lost my sweet little Aidan Michael.

5. What countries did you visit?
Sadly, other than the U. S. and the Ho-Chunk land I regularly pass over, none.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
My bachelor's degree and admission to a graduate school!

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 6th, when I lost my little sweetheart.
June 20th, PUERTO RICO!
March 19th, seeing Wicked!
November 7th, hey NASCO, I'm back!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting in McNair and (in response to them kicking me in the ass) figuring out what I am going to do with my life and getting on the track to do it. (Well, for now...)

9. What was your biggest failure?
Falling asleep during the conclusion to Dracula. All that work...sorry Tobes.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing out of the ordinary.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Kitty!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The twinface for putting up with me!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
America's. Really, people? Really?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Roof over my head, books in my brain, phone glued to my ear, food in my stomach, college on a piece of paper, fun in my memory...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finishing my last real science class. Ever.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Defying Gravity

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier and sadder
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter. Gloriously, with no justification.
c) richer or poorer? Another $10,000 poorer. Thanks college!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hanging out at the house, seeing people, keeping in touch, reading

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Procrastinating...

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Finding things! Over 1000 exciting things to find! And I found them all (except one ring on one page which I am CERTAIN is not there). Oh yeah, and fighting the good fight against passive-aggressivism.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No, thankfully.

23. What concerts did you attend this year?
Small ones. Mostly Clare's band, Pax Americana.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
No tv. But I hear The Wire is great...

25. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year?
How sad that I am so ready to say yes... Still yes.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Baroque Trilogy by Neal Stephenson. Yes, I know three books is cheating.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Mika

28. What did you want and get?
A fantabulous music theatre experience

29. What did you want and not get?
More makeouts. The fabulous gent in Philly.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Dark Knight. I don't want to be cliché, but I didn't know how good Heath Ledger was until I saw that film. It made me believe in actors again.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
22, went out for sushi with friends near and far.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Finally communicating with my parents

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Taking a new tone on the clean-cut, professional-casual that I usually go with, I began adding some vintage tones, especially victorian-esque jewelry or slightly more casual coats.

34. What kept you sane?
Rachel Rakower, the prospect of getting the hell out of here, McNair, Mingwei.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I'm still on a Viggo kick.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Racism

37. Who did you miss?
My sisters. I just don't get to spend enough time with them, and they've grown into such fantastic people. Devin. Sara. Megan when she used to want to be friends with me. Clare. Iulia. Katy. Jon. Steph. Lots of people.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Fil.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
It's great to do it yourself, but don't start with Laverne.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"If you love somebody, set them free." -Sting

The Seven Best Albums of All Time....or whatever

2008-12-29T14:28:00.009-06:00

steph b didn't really tag me, but I decided to make my own list because...well dammit because I like music.

steph b says:
"THE RULES:
1. Post your list of the seven best albums, the seven bloggers you will tag, a copy of these rules, and a link back to this page.
2. Each person tagged will put a URL to their Blogger Album Project post along with a list of the seven best albums in the comment section HERE at Hill’s Country. Enough already!
3. Feel free to post the “I Contributed to the Blogger Album Project” Award Graphic on your sidebar (even though I couldn’t find it), along with a link back to this page.
4. Post a link back to the blogger who tagged you."

To which I reply: "No!"

steph b says: "My major criterion in selecting these albums proved to be whether, when listening to the album, I felt like I would commit a crime if I skipped a single track. These are albums that I always listen to straight through and I'm never tempted to pass over a song. Of course, I excluded compilations and "best of" albums."

To which I reply: "I just picked some stuff I liked and listed it in no particular order. Usually I liked the whole album, to be fair."

Let's begin!

1. Erin McKeown Distillation
I can't stop listening to it, turn it off, or skip a track. Her voice is beautiful and in the perfect range for singing along, and her mix of guitar work and jazzy rhythms always keeps me jumping. From the beautifully blasphemous "La Petite Morte," through the stunningly silent "How To Open My Heart In 4 Easy Steps," to the brilliantly perfect "You Musn't Kick It Around", this album will take over your brain and make you a happy, sad, lonely, loved, jumpy, dancing, addicted maniac. Thank god.

2. The Cat Empire Two Shoes
(Sorry Mika fans, but Life in Cartoon Motion has been bumped. The lyrics were nice, but too sparse, and while I am sure a number of tracks from the album have made it onto my permanent playlist, several of the songs lost their staying power after being repeated more than 50 times. I guess I was just on a kick. But bumping Mika means I had space for one of my favorite groups!) The Cat Empire can best be defined as latin-rock-jazz-ska-funk-pop (if you call that a definition), and this is one of their best albums. The chart-topping "Sly" is of course great, "Saltwater" strangely soars, and the catchy "Protons, Neutrons, Electrons" offers a soothing look at what might otherwise be the terrifying gap of death. But the intelligent lyrics and perfect mixing of musical generas means that every song, down to the hidden track, is a winner.I look forward to their next release in February.

3. Gorillaz Demon Days
Knock 'em if you want, I can't stop loving this album. Brilliant lyrics, complex mixes, and the compelling "Fire Coming Out of the Monkey's Head" all combine to make this an album I can't turn off. Oh yeah and that whole DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE thing.

4. K'naan The Dusty Foot Philosopher
Another I can't turn off or skip. More of the same to say, but in a totally different way: critical and brilliant lyrics ("What's Hardcore?"), danceable rhythms ("Wash It Down") and catchy tunes ("I Was Stabbed by Satan").

5. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs Fever to Tell
Like everyone else except for an elite few, I discovered the Yeah Yeah Yeahs while I was playing RockBand with some friends. Their "Maps" was a beautiful lullabye...a rocking, bad-ass lullabye, but one nonetheless rife with the irresistible crooning of Karen O. I was surprised to discover the rest of their music is not at all like that song. Pleasantly surprised, because it is so great I cannot help but bang my head and act like I can dance to that kind of music (which I can't). My favorite song is the tantalizingly short "Man," and the rest of the album is equally amazing. The last track, "Modern Romance" is a nice return to the showcasing of Karen O's vocal talents, a little sugar on top of all the spice.

6. The Kings of Leon Aha Shake Heartbreak
Yeah, they are sexist as all get out, but damn they make some good rock. 'nuf said.

7. Feist The Reminder
I am almost embarrassed that I picked this album instead of her others, but I got on the Feist boat late. It's a great boat, though, with a Canadian license and Feist's soaring voice serenading the passengers with her alternately warm or cool melodies. The softness of "Brandy Alexander" and "Honey Honey" contrast perfectly with Feist's homage to Nina Simone, "Sealion," and the incredibly popular "1 2 3 4." Ah, Canadians...

Baby, it's cold outside...

2008-12-12T14:28:00.005-06:00

School is good. Cat is well. Neighbors are fine, with one exception. Nasty situation, but it's being taken care of.

All in all things are pretty dull but in a sort of calm-before-the-storm kind of way.

I did go out last night with no expectations and had a great time. Saw "A Queer Carol" with Lindsay. We stopped for a drink ahead of time and I was reminded of the value of medium- to good-quality gin (as opposed to low-quality, anyway). The show was cute. Lindsay put it really nicely: "You can't really wreck this kind of play." It certainly put me in the festive mood. After that I grabbed a bite of dinner (they've changed their goat cheese nachos, but they are still pretty phenomenal), and then went by Clare's house. Hung around for a while and then Steph stopped by to say she and Clare's old bikester crew were heading to their bar. Steph and I talked a bit about starting a sort of traveling intellectual talking group/reading session at a local venue, where a group of us would get together and read aloud some of our research for the public or young-academic/intellectuals or just ourselves (the cool stuff...they forbid me from talking about stem cells, which was fine with me, considering my new-found discipline). It sounds like a great plan. Clare and I stuck around for a while and looked over her awesome paper on non-normative gender performance in Wisconsin, Samoa, and Japan, and decided to totally join the initiative; I volunteered to help with marketing (sometime when I have some free time ever). Eventually we headed out (slowly, I fucked my knee up on the Wisconsin weather), and met a whole bunch of people there. We drank and played foosball and generally had a good time, and Steph and I spent a lot of time talking about our various arts disciplines and what we thought of theatre and visual art respectively, and UW departments in particular. It was great, but damn was it cold walking home. I had been drinking and could still feel the wind cutting through my coat and hat...I must upgrade my winter gear. But I didn't die of hypothermia, and for once my house seemed warm to come home to, so I consider the evening a success.

Now I just need to finish up this semester, grad school apps, and my holiday shopping before I get a good 10 hours of knitting and hanging with the family, and a good few days of seeing the MN friends for the holiday season.

I hope yours is equally wonderful.

2008-11-30T13:28:00.001-06:00

The grad school application process:

2008-11-18T13:29:00.004-06:00

...it's still going. I've almost made my final selections. The GRE is next week. And today at lunch I brought out my sister's laptop (mine is still bordering on deceased), and spontaneously wrote 2/3 of an actually-decent statement of purpose. My writing was so eloquent and thorough I've even inspired myself to pursue the research I was talking about doing.

I obviously couldn't establish a precedent of productivity, so of course blogging was the next obvious action.

Yesterday it snowed: medium sized, thick white flakes flurrying down in a quick mess. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't accompanied by a sudden temperature drop below freezing; winter has hit hard. I am looking for a hat to compensate for my lack of hair, and I saw the perfect one yesterday...on someone else's head. After much searching on the internet, I've come to believe it was the combination of these two:

It was the size and shape of the white one, without the poms (just the sort of bunches on the end of the strings of the grey one), and with the cabling pattern on the grey one. It was also a slightly creamy white. I'm jealous. If I had circular needles I would be trying to make it right now, but I just do not know how to do cabling.

At least I have a project for if I don't get into grad school. And since I will be poor, unemployed, and saddled with a huge amount of debt, I better damn well know how to make my own clothes. At least I can be a fashionable street-person.

Thinking

2008-11-15T17:32:00.004-06:00

Why isn't there a literary genome project?

The music genome project and accompanying website is a brilliant piece of work (although I wish they'd let me select the "genes" with which I want to construct a station), and my cutting-edge music discovery process has been immensely simplified.

So some librarians or something should do the same for books. At least in fiction the books' style, characters, influences, and themes could totally be categorized in the world's coolest library. Reading would be hip again. Loving books would be standard.

Right now I'd make a station with Tamora Pierce, China Mieville, and Nancy Farmer's The Ear, the Eye, and the Arm as seeds... tell me that doesn't sound fabulous.

creeped out or stressed out?

2008-10-31T00:57:00.002-05:00

I Am Gummy Bear (The Gummy Bear Song) by Gummibar is an incredibly creepy song to hear come on Pandora when you are working alone at the office at one in the morning.

I've totally got the over-the-shoulder-checking heeblie-jeeblies now. Thanks for ruining the rest of my productivity, Gummibar...

My mediocre internet presence...

2008-10-23T12:40:00.004-05:00

finally exists! Hooray! I googled myself by the name I most prefer to go by, and not only were there 27 results, they were 27 results that were actually me! Bwhahahahah! I shall begin to build my internet empire!

Busy Busy Busy....blah blah blah insert usual to-do-list here.

This is a theater-riffic weekend. Tonight I am going to see if I can get rush tickets to see Avenue Q, which is in town. If you don't know about Avenue Q, check it out. It's sort of like the Muppets. For adults. Ish. I've listened to the soundtrack a number of times and I am sure the show will be hilarious. I can't wait!

Then, tomorrow I am seeing The Merry Widow, directed by a friend whose work I have been following for a long time. I know she is a phenomenal director and I also just cannot wait to see this Opera.

On Saturday I am going to a wine-tasting (theme: french). I'm bringing a 2002 Côtes de Bordeaux, which I'm nervous about. I'd heard this type compared to other wines that I like, such as a Tempranillo, but then after I purchased it I read one review online. There was only one. And this person wasn't a fan. In fact they really didn't like it. I hope they are wrong, because I'm bringing it anyway. Later that night I'm seeing The Love of the Nightingale, also directed by a friend. I've worked with him in some of my Theatre for Cultural and Social Awareness work, so I have incredibly high expectations for this show because I know what he can do. I helped with the props, costumes, and set as well and it looks fabulous. I am so excited to see it I can barely wait, and if you are in the Madison area I highly recommend you check it out as well.*

In addition I need to catch up on my research project and graduate school applications, so it looks like it will be a busy weekend.

Then Sunday is the General Membership Meeting. I couldn't sell my stereo on Craig's List, so I am raffling it off to the MCC members that come to the GMM. Then I won't have to move it! I think about that a lot, now that I only have one year of school left: am I moving this come next summer when I go to grad school? I am making mental inventories of what will be tossed in the free-pile and what will be packed. Almost all of the fiction is coming with me, but most of the high-school level chemistry and biology books will go. I'll keep most of the fiction except for the stuff I am never going to get to. I'm tossing most of my shoes: I'll get a new pair of New Balance sneakers in wherever I'm at, and keep one pair of flats, the nice pair of heels (someday I'll condition myself to wear them, because they look fabulous), and the Chacos from my last birthday. I'll move my teacups and french press but if I don't finish the tequila it's not going with me... Etc. I can't wait to go through my clothes. If you want a trunk full of a range (read: good to bad) of cloth and sewing-esque materials, please let me know. It's heavy, I don't want to have to move that.

*Note: I haven't seen LotN yet, so maybe you should wait until my Sunday morning post. It does run next weekend as well.

Watching the leaves change

2008-10-08T12:27:00.004-05:00

The cat likes Gilgamess, which I find intolerable. We've compromised. I've named him Gilgamesh (yes, I'm a nerd) and I've promised to slur the end sometimes so that he feels validated.

A few days ago he pulled my french press out of the corner where I had thoughtfully jammed it when I got him, and smashed it on the ground. Fucking thumbs! So maybe I've been so ornery with him because there is a distinct lack of coffee going on now-ish.

Or I'm overwhelmed from doing a billion things. Whatever.

Last night I drank an overdiluted tablet of generic-brand Airborne and went to be early. The cat only woke me up twice, both times trying and failing in a wet way to jam his head into the cup (not glass anymore I've learned my lesson) of water near my bed. (Don't ask me why, his water dish was full. It's in the same part of his brain that makes him carry my dirty socks around and stash them with the rest of his prizes.) So, I feel generally well-rested and certainly much healthier than I did a few days ago. Vitamins! Sleep! These things are great! Now I'm behind on everything else!

Research/education/work etc. is proceeding in a general forward direction, although not as quickly as I'd like. I've been sort of checked out since the beginning of September, when I was suddenly required to tack 25 hours of lab construction on top of my as-usual over-packed schedule. I look forward to reducing that by about 15 hours next week, and resuming life at a slightly less over-worked pace. It really has made me wonder what the bottom limit is; how little personal time it's possible to get by on. I literally work from 7:30 am until midnight, and come home just to crash into bed, sleep for a few hours, and shower. No wonder the cat and I don't have the best relationship.

But relief is coming. I am looking forward to a family get-together this weekend; my sisters, mother and I are going apple-orcharding, pumpkin-farming, leaf-watching and other generally autumn activities. I'll bring my knitting. If someone (hint: Jessi!) ever tells me how to post pictures on this blog, I'll post some of the scarf I've all but finished (I just need to bind off, which I expect google to be teaching me about soon), as well as whatever I get a start on this weekend. You may have picked up that I like autumn a bit, and it's getting lovely here in Madison. The leaves are probably 50% changed, which means the oranges and reds are going to start going soon. The only down-side of this is that anything north of us has probably already changed. I hope I make it for a leaf-drive soon. One of the few assets of living in this politically ass-backward chunk of the continent is that it has beautiful, full expressions of each season (usually). Long, crisp autumns; cold, snowy winters; wet, blooming springs; and hot, windy summers. For an urbanite-turned-small-town woman, this is something I treasure.

(A note for fellow would-be wine-drinkers: At a wine tasting on Saturday I tried a good bottle of Zin that I would recommend to people who don't normally drink reds. The memorable (albeit corny) name is Earth Zin and Fire. Just google it or something.)

mmmmmmcats

2008-10-07T09:57:00.004-05:00

lumpkin
tarnivel
latex
gilgamesh
gilgamess
trouble
nommonster
five-fingered discount
thumbed darwintroll
pulgares

Cat still unnamed

2008-10-06T00:57:00.002-05:00

On Lindsey's advice I was poking around the ENORMOUS list of pet names hanging around the 19th of September at this entertaining blog. I like Hedgepig, because its quaint, obnoxious, and long enough, but I'm not entirely sold. Recommendations of similarly fictional, fun, and florid nature will be most welcome.

Another late night in the office

2008-09-17T23:07:00.002-05:00

So here I am at the office watching youtube videos of Wicked and waiting to pick up the twin from night lab. *sigh*. I absolutely love theater. I am so glad I am going into this. Wicked makes me cry, often for all sorts of socially created reasons, but also because the musical is a beautiful story of friendship and certainly of strong women. I probably can't talk about this without delving into realms that I relegate to my activist blog, so I'll just end this discussion by saying that Idina Menzel is amazing and it is things like watching this incredible piece of art that make me so glad I am going into theater.

Along that note, I am more and more delighted with my work on a daily basis. I just started a research project (which I eventually hope to turn into a show) on (topic omitted because that's also something that belongs on that other blog, and also because I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise for any of my potentially thousands or dozens of readers that might want to come see it in spring) something awesome in theater and I am so excited by it. The plan is very interesting and what I hope to do with it is very lovely and fun and creative, but it is also incredibly intellectual. And the best part is that I love the intellectual part. I love the research AND the creation. I hated the other research that I did, and it feels so great and liberating to want to know what I am learning about, and to feel my brain actively storing away fresh ideas and finding connections to old ones. I cannot wait to see how this turns out!

On other topics: school is going well. I had my first exam today. The labs take up SO much of my time. If I had a busy schedule before I am really screwed now. But there is no homework for the labs, so that is a significant asset. I really only have two classes with homework as well as my independent research. Work is fine. The project is fun and important and I just found a lot of information I needed that I thought my predecessor had taken with him, so I finally feel productive again. The cat is nice but destroyed part of the snake's cage (image: me in a robe at 4 in the morning, freshly awoken, staring at the cage trying to figure out how I can quickly and effectively keep the snake from escaping for the rest of the night so I could go back to bed...I eventually settled on duct tape, mostly because it was the first thing I could think of and it seemed like a good idea to my still-asleep brain at the time. Conclusion? Snake is still around...). I still don't know what to call him. Toby's recommendation would probably be He-cat, and that's starting to sound good. Or at least better than nothing. Suggestions wanted!

Twin called, gotta go!

That last post was started on August 9th and ended on...September 4th. Whoops.

2008-09-07T13:23:00.002-05:00

A brief, peaceful fall day. I woke up with a cat curled up near me. It was beautifully cool in the shade, warm in the sun. After a lovely McNair meeting followed by beautiful music, the twin and I went to the evil coffee corporation inside Barnes and Noble. I worked on my personal statement for the Rhodes (which I am procrastinating by blogging), and had a delicious pumpkin spice latte with soy. After taking the twin home I went for a drive around the city. The air was almost crisp and I was blasting Madonna's new CD (although I wish it had more actual Madonna on it, I am a BIT obsessed with 4 Minutes), and then I saw an enormous flock of geese take off and start flying south for the winter. It was beautiful.

This is exactly the kind of weekend I long for. I spent some time at home on Friday night, catching up on some recreational reading. If it weren't for the Rhodes I would have plenty of time to catch up on my homework. I slept in and on Saturday I did a little shopping. I stopped at Hobby Lobby (creepy!) to get an album for my scrapbooking and there was a ton of Halloween decorations out. I just love fall and Halloween and everything that comes with it. I also bought some tupperware to organize some of my desk supplies, a flash-drive (stupid crashing compu) and two shirts for back-to-school. One is an elbow-length black t-shirt with a cinched, heart-shaped bodice and broad neck. It accents my shoulders, and looks fabulous. I'm wearing it to the Theatre Department Picnic today, along with a set of long dangly earrings I haven't worn in a while. In fact, the last time I wore these I remember losing one in the middle of the intersection of South 4th Street and Marquette, and running back out on a stop light to find it. I also bought a light grey v-neck sweater with white and green argyle down the front.

Did I mention that I adopted a cat last week from the humane society? They called him Rooks, but I don't know what to name him yet. I was thinking Dr. Waterhouse (any Neal Stephenson fans?) but I don't think he's smart enough. He's more of a Brett Favre, but that's still a topic/name I won't touch with a ten-foot pole. Also, he has a very quiet meow, very ladylike. He's also got thumbs! I'll post a picture as soon as I figure out how, and you'll see what I mean. He's very cute and sweet, but at 1 am he likes to be petted while I am still asleep, so I might have to find some way to discourage him. He and the snake (Mitch) get along very well, if by very well you mean the cat tries to eat the snake but is thwarted by the glass, and the snake damn well knows it is safe and taunts the cat.

All in all a very domestic weekend. No working on the weekend (except for the house meeting tonight), and I kept to myself. If I finish this essay I think I will reward myself with time to paint the second part of a project I am working on.

I supposed I should enjoy myself while I can because I am officially booked all but three weekends between now and Thanksgiving, and those three promise to fill up fast. New weekend is the house canoe trip, the weekend after is the MCC Retreat, after that is the McNair Senior Retreat, then I think I have two free weekends in October, followed by the MCC Fall GMM, the McNair National Research Conference, and NASCO Institute (at which I am teaching this year...woohoo!), and then one more weekend before Thanksgiving. So yikes. If you want to make plans with me, let's set them up soon. I want to take sometime in the middle of October to visit an apple orchard, and definitely the corn maze again this year. That was a lot of fun last year.

Well, I'm off to enjoy my relaxation.

Well, freaking finally.

2008-08-09T07:16:00.004-05:00

I left you all somewhere in the middle of nowhere studying for Organic Chemistry Boot Camp (I got an A! Hooray!). Since then I drove up to the cities, and pretty much just spent some time hanging around, seeing my family and friends. I did a little shopping at IKEA, picked up a beautiful ballerina statue and some nice curtains. I also picked up my first chunk of scrapbooking gear. I've only done two pages so far, and one of those was with my brilliant sis Jessi, who's a genius master scrapbooker and craftsperson. If anyone knows the html to insert a picture from my computer please let me know, and then I'll show you the page.

After that I went to NASCO's Anti-Oppression Action Camp. I had an amazing time in the beautiful outdoors of the middle of Michigan. For more information on that, see my other blog.

After returning to Madison I realized I left my phone charger in Michigan, and I didn't get it back for a few weeks. Those of you who know me are probably impressed that I survived. :)

After Action Camp I started working for Sex Out Loud. Sex Out Loud is a student organization that promotes healthy sexuality through sex positive education and activism. I am the project coordinator, which means mostly that I deal with finances and the budget. Unfortunately the previous project coordinator disappeared off of the face of the planet, so I have been spending a ton of time trying to recreate everything from scratch. I am impressed with my budgeting abilities, honestly. Additionally, we are getting a lot of bills from the previous fiscal year that haven't been dealt with. The problem is that the University is so bureaucratic that we can't actually pay any of those old bills from last year. Additionally, navigating this bureaucracy makes something simple like paying a bill or ordering supplies a task that takes hours. It is incredibly infuriating. Outside of that, it is nice to have a job that takes a lot of work, but our advisor is also frustrating. She loves working with the org but interferes where she shouldn't and doesn't help out with the stuff we need her for. Running the cooperative has really spoiled me. I can barely stand working for another boss now, especially one who is incompetent.

Speaking of work, I quit my library job and it feels wonderful. I really hated that job anyway. School has started (my last year of undergrad, I hope. Hooray!). I spend a lot of time in lab (4 hours every afternoon, alternating in the costume shop and the props lab) but it looks like it won't be a heavy semester for homework. Outside of those two labs, I am taking Contemporary Feminist Theory and another Bacteriology Lab (my last science class ever, I hope). Additionally, I am doing an independent research project that looks great. I am also finishing up my Rhodes application (which I have been working on for the past 3 years or so) this weekend, so once that is done I will be around much more frequently to update y'all.

Hello World!

2008-08-06T22:25:00.000-05:00

Greetings to old and new friends!

For those of you who don't mind the inanity of the everyday. I'm attempting to relegate the ranting and raving to the activist blog, so I'll try to keep this one as an update for those of you who are dear but distant.

(P.S. Feel free to leave me a message, but keep in mind that I almost always mean exactly what I say, so don't hate and don't jump to conclusions.)