31 fractures: 4

I've returned from my hiatus from the internet. Don't worry, I kept up with my project while I was gone. You just didn't get to hear about it.

1/4: Jon

Jon and I have a long history. I don't know if he officially counts as someone lost, but our communication has been falling off a lot lately. Jon was my biology teacher, then my employer for a while, and now we email each other every once in a while. We've both always been pretty bad at communicating with one another, and kept ourselves pretty busy. But he is also the person who taught me to be kind and considerate, to pay attention to the world, to begin to think on my own and challenge the brain-washing of my upbringing, to not be self-centered, to be socially conscious, that the work of an individual can do more than just help that individual but also help others, to be conscious of my environmental impact, that even difficult projects and ideas and conceptions are quite within my power, how to solve challenging and complex problems by beginning with and working from what I know...the list goes on. Let's sum it up: he's pretty important.

That being said, I am pretty disappointed with my inability to keep in touch with him. He's been incredibly supportive, even though I have abandoned the sciences for the arts (of all things), and his son is the first kid I have ever liked enough to spend time with. Children and I usually do not get along. On the other hand, I was a pretty fucked up kid, so I can understand why he might be weirded out by me. Hell, I would be weirded out by my high-school age self. I would be hard pressed to keep from slapping myself silly. I can only look back and sigh with relief that at least I am not that bad anymore.

Anyway, here's my attempt at reconnection [some information omitted for privacy, if there is such a thing]. I'll keep you updated of his response:

Hey Jon et al.,

I don't suppose you remember a discussion we had in your classroom probably about 5 years ago :) where I mentioned that I felt more comfortable outside my comfort zone, that I felt trapped by the feeling of things being the same. Since I learned the theory of liminality, I've always felt this was a great way to describe what I was trying to articulate back then. I am once again in a liminal space, personally, after several years of a sort of complacency, and suddenly I feel a lot better. It's sort of the joy that comes from staying on top of the giant ball: it's easier when it's moving.

I'm sorry I missed you all over the holidays, once again. I hope you and yours had a fabulous holiday season, and that this year once again promises to be the best year yet.

The holidays were really stressful for me. My mom's always acted like a child, and, while I am grateful that she seems to have advanced from the dependent stage to the teenager stage, she is still in the teenager stage. I remember myself as a teenager: I was totally intolerable. It's going pretty rough, and I am pretty upset by it. I'm at a point where I either give up any chance of having a real relationship with her and cut her off emotionally, or continue to put myself through major psycho-emotional trouble every time I talk to her. Any advice on dealing with immature parents very welcome.

Other than that, things are going well in Madison. I am in the midst of applying to graduate schools. In case you are interested, here's a list of schools to which I am applying:
[]

(In rough order of preference; it depends on how much money they offer me). It's quite a list. I wouldn't be able to do it without the McNair Scholars program, which is awesome. Other than applying for grad schools everything is relatively tame. I hope to graduate in spring, and I'm taking my last batch of classes. I'm still trying to get into Drawing I, but if I can't get into that I'll take introductory Food Science. I'm also on the second semester of my second senior honors thesis (this time in theatre), my last backstage laboratory class, African-American Women's Activism in the 19th and 20th centuries, and costume technology (another theatre requirement). All in all, it looks like a pretty good semester. If I don't get into the U of MN I will be coming to visit once or twice before I move further away, so we should get together for coffee or something sometime.

I am also working as the Project (Budget/Finance) Coordinator for Sex Out Loud, a student organization that promotes healthy sexuality through sex-positivite education and activism on campus. It's cool, and (mostly) it pays pretty well. It is much better than my job in the computer lab because my skills are valuable and my boss is less passive-aggressive. I have a lot of experience in financial stuff, which is really helpful for them. The older I get the more I realize two things: 1) I have no patience for petty political machinations or passive-aggressiveness and 2) how fast time goes by. I can't believe that Duncan will be 6 this spring (correct me if I'm wrong) and that I've just about finished my bachelor's.

Some other good news: I am finally stepping down as President of []. For the first time in almost three years I will have my Wednesday and Thursday evenings free. I'm very excited. Instead, I am working on a local campaign for our City Council district (my political ambitions still haven't disappeared, even though I'm fully committed to get my PhD). I was originally planning on taking a semester easy, but I am sure that's impossible for me. What would I do with all that free time now that the garden is frozen over?

I've adopted a cat, named Gilgamesh after the gent in this nerdy comic. The cat is wonderfully strange and attention-greedy. Usually I like to keep a spontaneous schedule, never really where people imagine that I should be, but he keeps me coming home every night to feed and pay attention to him. I have yet to decide if that is a good thing.

I'm afraid I'm getting terribly domestic. I hope I haven't bored you too much. Please send me an update and pass my greetings on to all the important people. You know.

Yours,

[]

--
"If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is tied up with mine, then let us work together." Lilla Watson